Layne Goes Places

Last day as 23

2010-09-08T22:41:00.003-04:00

I am deeply concerned.

I have been watching my roommates conspire all night.

They say they have a puppy upstairs. But I haven't heard a puppy. They made me hide in my room.

They keep giggling. They won't let me look at the computer.

But luckily, I have survived. I will be 24 tomorrow.

I will soon know what they are doing.

End of summer

2010-08-26T08:47:00.002-04:00

Things accomplished this summer

Ice Cream Club, with Cherry Whiskey, Salted Carmel, and Gin-Cucumber sorbet this week
An undefeated season of softball in the category of moral victories
Stitches
Transatlantic journeys
A return to poetry, reading and writing
One upcoming family visit
The least demanding marathon training program ever
One faux Tea Party
One new crush- Luxembourg cyclist Andy Schleck

Things avoided and/or missed this summer

Long and painful tubing trips down cold, low capacity rivers
Golf
A general state of sobriety
Saving money
Realizing that I need to find a new job

All in all, I would say that it has been a good season. I'm ready for the next season which includes my birthday, Michigan football season, the actual marathon, and more ice cream club.

End of August

2010-08-22T20:09:00.003-04:00

Marathon training is progressing well.

One of my brilliant friends is in L.A. and going to be competing on Jeopardy! We had a happy hour review session in which we all brought our knowledge to the table to improve her chances of winning. We also coined the term "Jalapeno popper" which involves touching spicy peppers and then touching people inappropriately. We were told that this is mean and should not be done even in retaliation.

I am watching Harry Potter on ABC Family because it is on almost every weekend and it is awesome. It is also 8:15 and I am ready to go to bed.

This week should prove to be interesting. Never a dull moment.

Middle of August

2010-08-16T21:28:00.002-04:00

I am ready for autumn. Let's go football season, crispy leaves, and long, exhilarating bike rides.

I am watching the Bachelor Pad, proof that there is nothing good on in the summer, and I will watch almost anything on television.

My most favorite sent me an illustrated copy of Class in a Classless Home because she is awesome, complete with a family tree.

H. Clinton was seen today in a marigold pant suit.

Today Was Not Great

2010-07-22T22:24:00.003-04:00

Below is my List of Greivances for today:

At 3:00AM this morning my cat threw up
At 3:05AM I fell, bearing my entire weight onto my right knee, after I slipped in cat vomit, taking out a huge dent in my leg
It took me until approximately 4:30AM to fall back asleep because my knee hurt so much
I missed yoga
I vowed to not watch or read about the Tour until I got home from work, but then I checked facebook and saw a post about it
What I found out is that Andy Schleck was not able to shake off Alberto Contador on the Tourmalet
I was told by many people (concerned roommates, coworkers, mother, etc) that I needed to go a clinic and get my knee looked at
I was at the clinic from 4:00pm to 7:00pm
I had to get two stitches and a tetanus shot
I can't run, bike, or do yoga (or anything else really) for the next 10 days
Who has to see a doctor because they fell down in the middle of the night in cat vomit? ME

Today I was grateful that I have health insurance, and I had a $10 credit at the clinic, my copay was only $5. I don't know if I'll be billed for the rest.

Flights of Fancy

2010-07-19T21:18:00.003-04:00

For the last five years, I have looked forward to July. For the long days, the time off of class, and the general sense of contentment aside, I look forward the Tour de France.

It wasn't love at first. Sure, I have a predilection for sports that are slow to watch. I really enjoy watching golf and seeing the events unfurl. I like the drama, the long, drawn out process leading towards, hopefully, a solid climax (yeah, that's right, I made a comparison to sex. It was intentional).

I watched the first parts of the Tour with Mattison, who helped explain some of the strategies, some of the players, and the culture of the sport. At first, it was too confusing to enjoy. I didn't have a connection with any of the racers or teams. I watched a handful of stages, and it didn't connect.

Over the years, it changed. Summer TV is bad, so I would turn it on in the background in order to have conversation fodder with my boyfriend. Then I started paying attention. It became a challenge to me, to remember the stage winners, the riders in the maillot jaune, and which jerseys belong to which segment of the competition. That way, I could have the chance to impress my cyclist friends if the opportunity presented itself.

And this year, something happened. A combination of knowing enough of the riders and having some explosive first stages, I care. I care a lot. Shockingly, it's the first time I haven't been able to watch the race with the person who introduced me to cycling.

The last few days I have been obsessed with Andy Schleck. I've liked him and his brother, Frank, for a long time but now I've launched myself into a fan frenzy.

Not going to lie. I like him mostly because he's a young rider, and I think he's absolutely adorable (tall, thin, blond, and kind of awkward looking- gets me every time). I think it's awesome that he and his brother are on the same team. After reading his blog for CyclingNews, he seems like a great guy.

I am not sure what it is about me, I suppose I have a kind of creepy, kind of addictive personality. But in a way, it's kind of fun to get really wrapped up in something like this. Sure, it's a sport. It's not going to change the world. You could say it is shallow, but I don't really care. I'm going to be hooked on this race until it ends, rooting for Schleck all the way.

Ukraine

2010-07-14T21:29:00.003-04:00

I got to see Mattison.

And magical, wild horses

And rode on trains

And met Mikhail Bulgakov and Behemoth

And hung out at the Hidropark

It was great.

ABC Signs New Show

2010-06-24T10:30:00.004-04:00

As some of you may know, the Baroness Kitten von Mittenberg has been incredibly lonely since M. Brady left for Ukraine. She has since tried to steal boyfriends and has become something of a harlot in the meantime. In order to get her to shut her legs and behave with the kind of dignity she should possess, ABC has agreed to host a new reality TV Show called "The Catlorette." Below are some exclusive details that have been leaked in an e-mail from A. Paul, the rumored host of the show:

Layne,

The following all seem like needed contests for the Catlorette

1. Chair wars. Our contestents will be set loose at a yard sale. All will purchase some sort of seating. Kitty will test as many seats as she wishes. The winner is determined by the seat she prefers.

2. Cat gourmet. Contestents develop a three course cat meal. Disqualification for use of ingrediants indigistable by cats.

3. Truth or Dare. Of coure, Kitty can only accept dares

4. Pool party, exposes the idiots who like water and are therefore unsuitable for cats.

For those looking to compete in the Catlorette, please submit an essay on why you want to be on the show as a comment in this blog post. You will be contacted should your prove your worth.

Flying Solo

2010-06-08T20:07:00.004-04:00

So, in light of going to Ukraine in a little bit, I've been reflecting on the (almost) nine months that I've been in the situation of being in a relationship but basically alone. I know that I am not really single, but this time has given me a chance to see how my life would be. I haven't been single since first semester, senior year of high school, which isn't bragging. I didn't go into college thinking I could find someone that I could continue to grow with. It's weird.

Over the weekend, I spent a lovely couple of days with Mattison's parents. They are absolutely wonderful. I feel bad that it isn't necessarily reciprocated. My family (for the most part, I think) likes Mattison, but they won't be close in the same way. I have a lot of friends in DC, but its nice to know that if I drive out to Baltimore, there are people who would really take care of me (like parents!).

So, my latest experience in the realm of being a solo flyer is that I went to a concert alone. I found out that the National was playing, and originally, I thought I would pass. But then their new release, High Violet, came out, and I decided you only live once. It was a seated event. I came in to the show during the Antlers, they were pretty good from what I gathered. At intermission, I read the book that I had brought and tried to avoid making eye contact with others. And once the show started, it didn't matter. Sure, I would have liked it if I had someone there (or would have had seats in the area where Matt Berninger, the lead singer, the person I would want to narrarate my life, walked through the audience). But it was a really great show, and I had a great time. I like to know that it's not a big deal, I didn't overcome any sort of trial in a larger sense, but it is nice to know that I am okay being alone.

And Ukraine in 17 days...

Things that have been learned

2010-05-27T07:15:00.001-04:00

I've been going to yoga two to five times a week since January, and one of the major foci of the practice is centering your mind (or spirit or emotional core, whatever speaks to you). Trying to be still with your thoughts and simply be present in your own head. During shavasana, peace with your body and mind is the goal. I admit that I usually do not even attempt to really get into this state, I usually daydream, or if its a night class, set my intention on dinner. Lately, I think I have gotten a bit better at it, or at least, not ruminating on the negative. Finding that sense of the present can be difficult, but none more so when you are unhappy or otherwise discontented.

The pressure of being happy can lead to a state of frenetic grabs for satisfaction that end up shortfalling and concluding in a sense of abject despair. Articles in Slate, the New York Times, and Newsweek* have pointed to the particular problem women, who feel the need and drive to have it "all" in order to have a successful and hopefully happy life. The obligations and things that you feel you need to do can overwhelm and dismantle a sense of contentment.

These is not a new or unusual idea I am putting forth. It's mostly to say that right now, I think it is easier for me to be happy than it has been in the past. For many people, I think it boils down to some essential feature: simply, some people are just going to be happier than others, no matter what their situation - it's in their nature. I'm not sure if I can lump myself into this category of "Happy Regardless," but I have continued to thrive, despite some odd circumstances.

But as of now, clearing out the mind is pretty easy. The two largest possibly negative factors on my life are my boyfriend living some thousands of miles away and the state of my finances. The first is less of an issue since there is little I can do about it. I've come to acceptance on this (occasional bouts of anger and frustration aside). The latter is something I struggle with, but even then, I know I don't hurt for much.

It's weird to feel like you're bragging when you have nothing to complain about, but truth is, I really don't have much on my shoulders these days. Feels pretty good.

* I tried hunting down the articles, but then got tired of trying. There's lots on this if you google it. Chalk this sloppiness up to sheer laziness.

Health

2010-05-21T22:36:00.003-04:00

I'm in pretty good health overall. I eat well. I get enough exercise. I am usually fully rested.

This week I went to the dentist. I should have known that an establishment that plays a live recording of soft Christian rock was going to be bad news bears. It was the most painful cleaning I've ever had. The x-rays took forever and were incredibly uncomfortable. Then the dentist told me, as per usual, I will have to make two follow up appointments for cavities and then another appointment to fit me for a bite guard, to keep my teeth protected from night time grinding.

I think I finally understand in a way the fear that people have of going to the doctor's office. They are afraid of hearing the inevitable, you have high blood pressure, you have dangerous cholesterol, you're overweight, etc. I take pretty good care of my teeth: brush twice a day, floss daily, and use mouthwash. It's still not enough. I should brush after lunch or something, but I am not about to take the extra steps. I won't quit soda or coffee or tea. Going to the optometrist is the same way. I know they're going to tell me my eyesight, the prescription or my astigmatism, has gotten worse over the year.

Sure, there are other health conditions that people have more control over. But I think now, I at least get a sense of feeling judged and slightly hopeless. I am just glad it doesn't affect me to a larger degree.

Layne vs. Sleep

2010-05-16T13:49:00.005-04:00

The last two weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind. Lots of social engagements. Lots of late nights. Making chickpea salad at 4AM. Spending too much money at Whole Foods on cheese. Today, a long bike ride and then an evening with the New York Times. Maybe catch up on The Office and 30 Rock or watch In the Bedroom.

This last week I have had an epic struggle with fatigue. Usually it is confined to particular circumstances, like being in a car or being in the back row of a lecture room during a film showing. This problem does not really depend on how much sleep I get, I can be perfectly well rested and still pass out. I made myself sit in the front row during classes so as to shame myself into staying awake.It's terrible. It is a terrible fog, unshakable. Unable to tell up from down. I start the sleep nodding. I start losing motor skills, my notes are illegible and I can barely type.

And then, all of a sudden, it lifts. It escapes from behind my eyes and leaks the fog out. My posture and concentration improve. As it comes, it goes. I'm not if its a blood sugar thing or what, but it's embarrassing to happen upon such a fugue during a meeting or really, any time at work.

It makes me wonder how real adults with increased professional and family pressures cope. I already feel achy on a daily basis. I am young, fairly active, and healthy. If I'm saddled with consistent soreness, what degree of pain do most people have to deal with? It makes adulthood seem harder still.

I'm sure I'll deal with those problems when I reach that bridge. For now, I'll continue to try and find a balance between poor and positive choices and see how it goes.

The Most Official Monthly Anniversary List Ever

2010-05-11T16:57:00.005-04:00

Most traditional anniversary lists only cover annual anniversaries, but everyone knows that in that first year of a relationship, the months matter. Just as proudly as newborn parents count the months of age of their chubby, crying dispenser of bodily fluids, you know that you can get seriously fucked if you don't pay attention to that one day every month that matters to your SO.

Confused as to what you get your sweetheart for your upcoming monthly anniversary? Don't be. Here is a list to help you.

Month 1: Toothbrush
With all that kissing, oral hygiene is so important.

Month 2: Mix tape/cd
You should establish your song early, so you know, you don't wait five years and it ends up being "Purple Rain."

Month 3: Carton of Orange Juice
You were probably celebrating last night, so you probably need this the next morning. Cheers!

Month 4: Cookie
Don't worry. She's not going to hit her dump weight just because you buy her one Mrs. Field's cake cookies. A crack sugar cookie from Potbelly's can work if you're that concerned.

Month 5: One of your t-shirts
We like sleeping in them. Makes us feel safe (especially when you're part of the Columbia Heights Citizens' Vanguard and you see all sorts of crazy every day).

Month 6: 6-month aged Gruyere
That Gruyere sat in a cave, getting all aged and delicious, just like your relationship (hopefully not in a cave as well. Does not apply if your GF is lactose intolerant. If that's the case, you might want to dump her anyways. You don't want that to get passed to your offspring, right?)

Month 7: Cupcakes
Get them delivered to her office for extra points. Make sure to get enough for her coworkers and roommates.

Month 8: Lingerie
I mean, hopefully she still looks good in it after all the 3 Cs (cookie, cheese, and cupcakes) happening. If not, this is a good sign to bail ship.

Month 9: Trash Can
Think of this as a metaphor for throwing out all the baggage you may have accumulated in your first 3/4 of a year together. It's important to leave these things behind.

Month 10: This Ikea chair
The chair costs about $10, so clearly that's why it's important for your ten month anniversary. Don't argue with pure, cold logic

Month 11: A handmade, wood burning, brick pizza oven
Plus firewood hutch and firewood, obvi.

Month 12: Puppy!
For those of you not paying attention, this is the first year. There is no better way to say "Thanks for dating me for 365 days" than a puppy. Unless you've at this point knocked your girlfriend up. Then you have something else that slobbers coming your way.

So gentleman, I will accept your thanks for giving you a guide to navigate the first months of your relationship. I'm glad I could be of service.

The End of Sunday Dread

2010-05-02T22:49:00.006-04:00

This weekend was very lovely. I can't say that I had my picture taken with Bradley Cooper or Matthew Morrison, but I did manage to wear my fahncy clothes all Derby day without stains.

Alas, Apple did not replace my iPod. I will have to manage with this 2 hour battery life until I can pony up the dough for a new one.

I got my backpack. Check it out. Mattison and I can cruise around Ukraine in our matching Gregory packs. Aren't we charming. Please take note that this is what I wear to yoga. I need to get in my Rambo mindset to dominate some asanas.

I have had Seven Nation Army stuck in my head all weekend.

I'm going to Wichita
Far from this opera forevermore
I'm gonna work the straw
Make the sweat drip out of every pore

I don't know what I've been doing with my time. I think I spent about $20 on the last Netflix DVDs I had out. My car remains unwashed, despite the warm weather. I get anxiety every time I go on to Google Reader, and it tells me that I have 1,ooo+ posts between Tastespotting and Foodgawker to review. If I don't have time for food porn, what am I doing with myself?

(I know that it probably means that I'm actually doing things besides hiding in my room)

Lastly, the opening of The Sound and The Fury made me feel like a bad English major. Luckily, things seem to be turning up. Also to note, E.E. Cummings is made to be read in the spring.

Big Changes

2010-04-29T20:55:00.002-04:00

I am enjoying a quiet night at home, watching Glee. I'm catching up on the first episodes, as I have never seen them. It is really exciting to unlock a hidden trove of awesome that I haven't seen before, albeit, difficult to watch, since all of the annoying plot points are going to be in place until I catch up to the previous point.

So, my dad gave me a great surprise today. He called me and told me to book a ticket home. Looking at the expenses, there is no other way I would be able to go home this summer. I am going to go home. See my family. Go to Ann Arbor. Play golf. So excited. And I'll be able to bring my clubs back to D.C.!

The other surprise is that my dates for Ukraine have moved up! Plan is to leave on June 25 and come back on July 10. It is more time, and I get back on a Saturday, giving me a chance to recalibrate and bounce back. And suddenly, I am two months away from seeing Mattison. I realized that the feeling that is strongest throughout this is something like boredom. It's the same dull, constant, gnawing pain. The inability for it to change or shake it off.

So, the day definitely turned around from the start of the day which involved running late, nearly falling down the metro stairs, and missing the last train before a ten minute gap.

71 Days!

2010-04-20T20:17:00.003-04:00

I am starting the countdown to Ukraine: 71 days! 10 weeks! It might seem like a long time, but the last 7 months (that's 26% of total Peace Corps time) that have already elapsed. I'm not trying to rush him home, but it's comforting to know that it feels like time is flying.

Tonight I had grand ambitions to watch the Red Wings, but alas, they are only showing on special sports packages tonight. I got so excited that I went to the local Bell's vendor and thought I picked up a box of 12 Oberon, but then got rang up and noticed that the box said 24-12oz bottles, not 12 bottles. So, instead, I am watching the Penguins crush Ottawa. Not even busting out the Vernors for this.

Last week I took a Briggs Meyers test, which put me as "Extroverted Intuitive Feeling Judging." In summary, I have Extroverted feelings, introverted intuition, extroverted sensing, introverted feeling. Like any wide profiles, I feel like it gets me pretty well about 60% and completely misses on the rest.

The most accurate line in the profile is in the fourth paragraph: "They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people. ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear."

I have an extremely thin psychological barrier, although I have never thought of it that way. The line between fantasy and reality has always been fairly blurry for me, perhaps due to my imagination that often encroaches on my daily life. I get extremely defensive and will often read negatively into comments that have no critical bearing. This is a part of my preemptive anger problem. I see things that don't exist, often before anyone talks about them.

On the work front, it's still awesome. I think I'm killing it. Fingers crossed, this is going to be the first job of a career type for me.

Philadelphia

2010-04-13T21:49:00.004-04:00

First, a detour:

"I love to give impromptu concerts to the homeless. It's important to give back."
-New cute high school senior on Glee, Jesse St. James (who, J. Hill pointed out, looks like he tried out for a vampire movie and didn't make it)

And with that, one S. Shepard leaves. He made it about fifteen minutes. Admirable.

On to Philadelphia!

I had a really great time. Philly is a vertically oriented city with a lovely park full of dogs. Iced coffee. Great mussels. The Penn campus is gorgeous. Great friend. Great times. Diner food. Sunshine and lots of beer. The Masters.

Woke up Sunday with no memories of the end of the night, because I drank so much, my body (my brain, my hippocampus) said "No more long term memories tonight!" I am under blanket I don't remember pulling out, I'm wearing clothes that I don't remember putting on, I notice that my watch is hooked around my cosmetic bag, as if I would lose it on my way out of the bathroom. My body is not reeling from the previous night, including, in honor of my host and the great city of Venice, a shot of tequila.

I was telling my dad that it is really important for me to go and see my friends now. Even though we are busy being students or our jobs, but it only gets more complicated from here on out.

Also, I am pretty sure that everything that transpired on the bus ride home was because of the tequila. And, last night, when I was thinking about Lessons Learned, I thought of this strip from Calvin and Hobbes by the great Bill Watterson:

Also, in the event of my death, J. Hill would think that my ghost/spirit had come back in Kitty's body, and it would freak her out. Especially if Kitty kneaded her belly.

(Also, I met Sam Donaldson and Petraeus at work today! Exciting times)

We are not response for any belonging

2010-04-11T20:36:00.006-04:00

In this post of Layne Goes Places, I actually went to a place. I spent the weekend in Philadelphia with one J. Rolecki. In order to give my trip the proper space it needs, I will be writing about it later. This post will focus on my bus ride home, written in first person present, beginning in the next paragraph.

I am on the bus from J.'s. It has been a wonderful weekend. I am craning my head outside of the bus to pay attention to the streets. I need to get off at eleventh. Time is winding down and I am little bit later than I want to be, since I am a nervous traveler. I half jog to the bus station, pull my pants up every other step, note to self that I should really buy a belt at some point, and make my way on the bus. Unlike my trip to Philly where every passenger got two seats, we are all paired up. This makes sense, being Sunday evening. I feel at least that I have the power to choose who I want to sit next to, rather than have someone ask the awkward "Is this seat taken?" and then up sitting next to some one who is on the phone the whole time or some other such nuisance.

I choose a petite young woman with dark blue glasses who is having a fairly hilarious conversation about how she was at a Catholic wedding and the priest kept trying to get her to take communion but alas! She is Jewish! So I sit down, delay starting up my iPod because it has just enough battery for the 2.5 hour ride home and nothing more. I read New York Magazine, chat to my neighbor, and feel pretty good about life. I hear the doors shut to the storage and the engine starts.

Within the first five minutes, I realize that this bus does not have a suspension system. It is a very bumpy ride. I realize how hot it is. I get nervous. I rarely get motion sickness, but when I do, it's on buses when I am not in the front in the window seat. Nausea begins. I try to calm myself down through breathing. I have learned in yoga that breathing can fix my life.

The breathing isn't working. I'm choking down air. I turn my music down to try and reduce stimuli. For fuck's sake, are you trying to kill us? Turn on the air you cheap asshole! I am starting to panic. I was not hungover at all today, but this feels like a guerrilla attack out of nowhere. My back is still too damaged to put my head between my knees. My palms are sweating. I take off my sunglasses and try to focus on breathing.

My stomach rumbles. Maybe I just need to belch a couple of times to release some of the pressure. One or two rise, but I am afraid that I am going to have the oral equivalent of sharting at this point. Belomiting? I'm sure it's on Urban Dictionary somewhere. I look to the back. That is definitely not a bathroom, but realize if there was a bathroom, even if I didn't have to vom then, I would as soon as I entered a stifling hotbox of confined stench. I text S. Moses and ask if there is etiquette for throwing up on a bus with no bathroom. Obviously I have to lean to the aisle. I feel guilty for sitting next to this unlucky woman. Breathe. Cold water perhaps? A few sips between bouncing off potholes. Poor choice. Feel even worse.

I pick up the plastic bag they have on the each row of seats. I rub it in between my perspiring thumb and index figure, wondering if the flimsy Chinese take out bag will hold up to the full gale storm of half digested pub food and bodily fluids. I can't decide about the bag's structural integrity. I discretely put it in my purse, ready to go just in case.

Then my face and hands start tingling. Going numb. I keep texting my Dad about the Masters that I can't believe I'm missing. Keep my hands going. Breathe. Try harder. Do not, do not vomit. Do not try to think about vomiting. Be positive. Stay strong. But what the fuck is that smell? I can only describe it the eau d'homeless. I know that it is wrong to think that. Heat. Odors. No. Mind over matter. Do not vomit.

Luckily, I know exactly what is happening. This happened to M. Brady in the '05/'06 winter. I got a voicemail from M. Brady saying that unfortunately he would not be joining me for dinner at East Quad because he was in the hospital. I raced there and heard that he was driving a bus, felt sick to his stomach, then he got tingly then numb in the face and hands, lost his ability to unclench his hands from the steering wheel, couldn't speak because of the numbness, barely managed to pull the bus over, and threw up. I spent a gut wrenching night (and this is before my Grey's Anatomy induced hypochondria) thinking that my boyfriend is dying of a brain tumor. At about 1:00AM the doctor told us that this is classic hyperventilation. Slowly, over the course of his shift, his shallow breathing from being sick to his stomach threw off his oxygen levels.

For those following along, I am the point where I have nausea, tingling and numbness in my hands, face, and possibly my legs (which may or may not have just fallen asleep). I know what is coming next. Soon I won't be able to speak. I look at my neighbor who is sleep nodding. I decide not to bother her. I do not want to raise alarm. And if I did, how could I?* I also realize that I may or may not have health care. Did HR say that it would go into effect on today or Monday? Am I going to be that asshole who held up the whole bus because she passed out?

The nausea is getting worse. Maybe I am dying. Maybe this isn't hyperventilation. This is bad. My autonomous systems prepare my body for vomiting. Saliva builds up in my mouth and the back of my throat. I try to swallow it down. Everything starts spinning. I don't even know if the bus is moving. My mind turns inward. Everything depends on not vomiting. It's simple. Do not vomit. Do not let your body win.

Why can't I remember the remedy? I know this! I learned this when the doctor told M. how to undo this situation should it happen to him again. But there are obviously no paper bags around. Is it longer inhale or exhale? I can't figure it out. I'm getting dizzy. I decide I have to call someone to have them explain to me how to breath so that I can get my oxygen levels right again.

I go through my phonebook. I immediately rule out people who will try and make me go to the doctor for a follow up, Mom, Dad, sorry, you're out. Call the roommates. Call former roommate. Call all my D.C. friends. Seriously, what the fuck everyone, I am dying and no one is going to save me?** I get M. Traylor on the phone, but he's not near a computer, and I for some reason don't believe he can look this up on a blackberry. Realize I don't have to call people in D.C. Call my most favorite on both lines. Call A. Grant. She picks up! Beautiful beautiful girl! Of course, how did I wait so long to call you? Forgive me. I am your maid of honor! We go back so far. Save my life!

At this point, speaking is difficult. It is hard to hold the phone. My tongue is an unruly mass sloshing around my mouth. I can barely speak above a whisper. There's buzzing behind my eyes. I can hardly hear you, speak up! You'll look it up for me? Wonderful. Call me back.

I wait. The woman one row up and across the aisle heard me. She says to breathe into a bag. I raise my eyebrows. I only see plastic bags. I am pretty sure that will not help me. She gets on the phone to call her doctor friend. My lovely neighbor is talking to me, asking me if I'm okay. I say I'm fine I'm fine (but I'm not! Remember, I might be dying). I am hyperventilating. It is a classic case.

Return call. I can barely pry my phone open with my pin-prickly, obstinate paws. The remedy? Breathe in 7, breathe out 12, is that what I heard? Stand up and put your hand on your abdomen to regulate breathing. Can't stand. In 7 out 12? Okay, got it. Thank you thank you thank you.

In 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Out 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

In 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Out 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

In 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Out 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Nausea fades. Still can't feel my face or hands save the numbness. Close my eyes. Feel guilty at being mad at people who didn't answer their phones. In 7 out 12. Feel like I could live, or at least, not throw up. More breathing. Neighbor is making concerned eyes at me. Come one, eke out a smile. Show her that it is becoming increasingly unlikely that she will have to sit next to a girl cradling a bag of matter that had been intimate with her digestive system.

Eventually, the ebb and flow of near manual and facial paralysis shifts away from me and back to the miserable place from which it came. Turn on the Clientele and start to relax. In 7 out 12. Doze off briefly. I refocus my eyes to the front of the bus, see a sign that says "We are not response for any belonging." Text A. Grant. Tell her that I should have seen the sign earlier and known I was in for a rough ride.

Come to outside of Baltimore. The rattling of the bus restarting agitates the beast. It grows, it worsens. I call J. Sawers and say that I reneg my earlier decision. I do need a ride home. Yes that would be wonderful. Thank you thank you thank you. I'll let you know when we get back into D.C. The nausea does not return, but in 7 out 12 all the way back to D.C. See the Welcome to D.C. sign and how welcome it is to see! Call J. Sawers. I am coming home.

Into D.C. I am feeling better. People are returning my calls. It's good to know people care.*** See New York Ave. shut down by Convention Center. We are at 5th and H. Wait, where are we going? What the fuck? Stop. Now. I will jump out of this bus, I swear. Realize that the bus could not have made that tight right turn and is winding its way to park in a series of lefts. Movement stops. People rise. I fight the urge to run off of the bus. I thank my neighbor and the good Samaritan. The line moves. I grab my bag. My still tingling, slightly numb legs consider, but ultimately do not collapse beneath me on my way off the bus.

Fresh air. Fresh gentle breeze.

Text the parents and J. Rolecki to say I made it back. Wait for J. Sawers. Call parents to report on the weekend. Do not mention the incident. Get call from J. Sawers with reports that there is a nuclear summit and the detours are too confusing. Fuck you nuclear weapons, you make everything so hard all the goddamn time. Sigh, try not to sound angry, because I am not, say that I will get a cab and come home. No, I absolutely cannot get on the Metro under any circumstances. It's okay.****

Walk down H, try to find a Bank of America ATM. No sir, I do not think I will be eating at your restaurant tonight, trust me. This is Chinatown, there should be an BoA ATM on every corner. Can't find one. Get frustrated. Maybe I can take the metro. It would be cheaper. The firm impression of illness is still on my recovering body. No, find an ATM. Be sensible.

Fuck it. Descend the series of escalators. Hear the train coming. Race down to the platform. Enter the nearest door. It is cool and empty. Ah, Metro! Apologize in my head again and again to J. Sawers, who was right all along. So sorry for your troubles. You were cooking. Feel bad, but relaxed. Get to U Street and feel like I should be home because I always forget to account for either Convention Center or Shaw/Howard.

Once again, gather my legs beneath me and shuffle on my increasingly blistered feet to the stairs, the check out kiosks, the escalator, and out into the beautiful night. A man tells me it is my lucky night (no, in fact, it is not sir). He hands me a bouquet of flowers. I look at them, there is only one sad looking yellow tulip and the rest are just stems. It seems too appropriate, too symbolic somehow.

Over streets, around cars, and in sight of home. Pull out the keys. Realize how wonderful life and good health are. Feel like a silly cliche. Ah, that door for home, the threshold to safety and final relaxation. See J. Sawers, apologize, get water, up the stairs. Hairball in near my bedroom door. Thanks Kitty, I missed you too.

Unpack. Order a new phone charger because I have no idea where mine is. Blog. Feeling pretty good next to my open window.

Realize that if given the chance, I'd probably take the bus again. It's $28 round trip! I know I have have a new job, but what kind of money do you think I have? Please.

Soon, very soon, sleep.

Some clarifications:

*Answer- There is a yellow button that says "stop" above each seat by the little adjustable air vents.
** Seriously, no hard feelings. If you're reading this, you know I can get pretty worked up.
*** No really, it is a good feeling! I do appreciate it.
**** It really was okay. At this point I feel pretty back to normal, only haunted by misery.

Also, a disclaimer: Yes, I have read A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius and yes, I really like the chapter where he gets kidney stones.

Hold Your Breath It Gets Better

2010-04-09T20:23:00.003-04:00

I've finished week one of my new job.

And it is super awesome.

I have more responsibility. I have an actual little projects of my own to initiate, work on, and follow through with. I have my own little office decorated with pictures and my Michigan pennant. I have autonomy (which I had at my first job in DC, but couldn't get enough muscle behind me to really get enough done).

Additionally, I am kind of a pretentious person. I like to feel important. At this job, I get to be around really important people. It feels like a university. And they have social hour every other Friday where beer and other beverages are provided.

So, in short, all is looking up. Strangely, it seems as though all of my previous experiences have created a strong foundation for this position.

And tomorrow I am off to Philly to see a dear friend from the Villa. I have never been to this great city and am looking forward to having a cheesesteak. Noms.

P.S.- If you are curious to know how whales mate, only look at the pictures if you are fully prepared (hint- you are probably not fully prepared).

Spring Cleaning

2010-04-02T18:30:00.002-04:00

Disclaimer: I hesitated posting this because I really didn't want the open letter to be pushed down the main page.

Spring Cleaning Phase I

Vacuumed the house
Swept
Swiffered
Wiped down the fridge
Scrubbed the kitchen counters

Spring Cleaning Phase II

Posted Adam's open letter to the Baroness
Read MOB's e-mail about super local event
Helped the Baroness set up her own Twitter account

me: i am tweeting for my cat

it's hard to type when you have paws

Michael: oh god, unfollow!

kidding, kidding

me: you secretly/notsecretly enjoy my surrealist lifestyle

Michael: it's, uh, well written?

Downloaded Lean on Me (Glee version), If I Never Knew You (although it doesn't sound like what I thought it should), Belle, My Heart Will Go On, and A Whole New World
Listened to A Whole New World on repeat for about a half an hour (it's a 2:41 song, fyi)
Continued to wonder about paternity and family concerning Chip from Beauty and the Beast.

me: My dissertation will be on Chip and the socioeconomic struggles of a possibly orphaned teacup boy
Jen: layne, i'm going to give out an award right now

you are, by far, my most quotable friend
Jen: well, second to the pultizer

me: well one is a prize of the heart and the other is a prize with a formal, rigorous committee

Jen: true

Got a care package from my mom!
Picked up Janene at Mr. Yogato and listened to a lot of Lady Gaga
Went to VA to pick up misplaced items
Tried to send a package to Mattison but failed because it was 4:30 and I didn't want to spend an hour waiting in line (attempt 2 tomorrow)
Enjoyed a nap with my cat

If you look closely at the 2nd phase of the Spring Cleaning, you will see what would happen if I was not fully utilized. The level surrealism and absurdity in my life would go through the roof, which might not be a stretch, since I think it lingers near the roof anyway.

An Open Letter Reply to the Baroness

2010-04-02T10:14:00.002-04:00

Baroness Kitten von Mittenberg,

Your recent call for help and attention pulled at my heart. Let me begin by apologizing for my long-standing ignorance to your suffering. Despite having known you for several years, we've never discussed your proud heritage. I fear in many ways that this omission may be that instead of treating you like an exiled noble, I've treated you, well, like a cat. In my defense you are a cat, and you’ve only recently found your voice as Layne Goes Places has devolved into an ever more species mix of experimental art, top seven lists, and unfinished thoughts.

I do not mean to disparage feline grace and civility but as you well know Americans are more readily socialized to mock, coddle, or reject cats, then to engage them in conversation. Thus it is against the background of inaccuracies like “Hang in there, baby” posters that I began our relationship. Additionally, for too long I have interpreted your quiet stoicism not as the signs of nobility but as disinterest in my affairs. I request your forgiveness and hope this letter reaches bended ears.

For all these reasons, I have ignored or excused your suffering. Following your letter, I am compelled to entreat you to realize the grandeur of your state. I am sad to report that the Mittenberg family has made generally poor homesteads in the United States, including a preponderance of settlements in Ohio.

Baroness, I know full well the licentiousness that pervades your home; I often enable it. But I ask you to look past what is truly a veneer of silliness to the serious and classy women who house you. Among the many talents you have accomplished artists, a capella singers, poets, and satirists.

Sure in Austria it may be undignified to order a batwing hoodie or throw gold pants on to a chandelier but the ladies, and I, are from the Midwest. Wearing our emotions on our sleeves is a privilege and right, just like saying ‘pop’ or mispronouncing roof.

Trust me having lived with Layne she’s got your interest at heart. Do watch out for the blonde one though. So,

Hang in there, baby,

Adam

This just in

2010-03-31T08:22:00.006-04:00

Breaking News

J. Hill is going to have a litter of spider/giant isopod babies in the next two days, and they will be both citizens of the United States and England.

From left to right: Camilla, Victoria, and Max Jr.

Facts

2010-03-30T19:47:00.004-04:00

If the express bus follows the non-express buses and stops and waits every time the non-express buses stop to let people board and disembark, it ceases to be an express bus.
Target of Columbia Heights has the worst card selection ever.
My last day at Defenders is tomorrow. Crazy! I am wavering on my plan to eat both a milkshake and crack sugar cookie at my farewell lunch.
I have Easter and Cherry Blossom plans. Hurrahs!
I am trying to get on my bike on my days off, but I think I tweaked my back in yoga last week. Sometimes I think I do not have the right spirit for yoga aka when I get into a difficult position, like bird of paradise or headstand, and think "fuck you, asana, I am all over this shit."
One J. Hill thinks it is amusing and/or weird that I one day would like to have a 20 lb. black cat named Behemoth who will be my assistant. In addition, I will have a 10 lb. gray tabby named James Thomas Abernathy or Jamie Thomasina Abernathy who will be a scholar among cats. This is not to ignore or denigrate the Baroness Kitten von Mittenberg, apple of my eye, comforter of my heart, and the first horcrux I've ever made.
It's almost gin season.

Class in a Classless Home: A Memoir

2010-03-28T19:55:00.008-04:00

Dignity takes many forms. For some, it is remaining ethical and moral code. For others, it is acting with respect at all times. For me, it is a goal: to keep my composure befitting to my royal Austrian heritage.

For those of you who I have not yet been acquainted with me, I am the Baroness Kitten Von Mittenberg. When I was a young, my parents sent me abroad to learn English in America. I was told it would be a homestay with a respectable, Midwestern family. Little did I know that I would be held hostage, never to return to my homeland and my destiny.

Dethroned and captive, I had to learn to cope with the situation. Despite the love and affection showered upon me, I never quite fit in with the family.

Christmas 2009

They have tried to make me feel like part of the family, but they fail to recognize that I am simply not one of them. It might sound harsh, but I wish that they would kindly respect the lines drawn by proper society.

But there have been bad times. Before Christmas last year, the love of my life left for a foreign land. I begged, pleaded for him to take me with him. Or even if he could not take me to his new residence, perhaps he could even take me back to my homeland. Without love, rules, or structure, I descended into a whirlwind of drugs, alcohol, and meangingless sex.

Drugs (legal) and alcohol

Sex (Waking up in someone's pants, specifically, the trousers of one S. Shepard, romantic interest of one of my keepers)

Post coital escape

After the debilitating downward spiral of destructive habits, I became suicidal. I tried to suffocate myself in plastic bags, drink toxic chemicals, and launch myself from the balcony. Since then, I have been on full scale code red alert. They will not leave me alone, not even to go out for groceries.

I try to put on a brave face, but it is unspeakably painful to go through these endeavors on a daily basis. I have been trying to find the simple pleasures in life. I believe those of you who frequent this publication might have known that I have found love. The chair did not wish to be pictured here, but below is an approximation.

It is hard to say what will happen to me in the coming days, dear readers. Please stay tuned.

(Photo credits to J. Sawers, Aristocratic Feline Photographer Extraordinaire)

Crushes

2010-03-22T21:30:00.003-04:00

In no particular order:

Jake Gyllenhaal
Timothy Geithner*
Anthony Bourdain (Does Turkish food taste like anything you've ever had? Yes, like crack)
Rahm Emmanuel
John Krasinski

* I saw him in person today. It was really exciting. I think I was the only person at the presentation who went to see what he looks like in person due to a small infatuation born from last month's Atlantic article on him.

So, someone very dear to my heart has an audition for Jeopardy. For this, you have to come up with five anecdotes appropriate for viewing. For those of you who watch a lot of Jeopardy, you will surely have rolled your eyes at the obnoxious or boring stories that come up from contestants. I have been trying to think up of my five stories.

I have blown up a car (perhaps too violent of a story)
I was the mailbox baby (perhaps too long of a backstory?)
The $100 lobster story (possibly a little lame)
Driving home during Snowpacalyse (really only interesting if you lived through the winter storm)
Telling people how I used to think I was born during the Korean War (probably not exactly appropriate)

As making this list and talking to my roommates, I realize that maybe the people on Jeopardy aren't as boring as we think. Maybe just all of their hilarious stories are simply too inappropriate to tell on tv. All of my stories basically involve being drunk, the strange composition of my family, or my weird childhood beliefs that are not really for all audiences.

Buying my ticket to Ukraine soon. I hope.

Spring has sprung! Spring has sprung!

2010-03-21T10:33:00.003-04:00

Woke up this morning, my sit bones sore from being on a bike yesterday. I forgot that my ass has to reacclimate to sitting on a saddle.

It is beautiful today. It has been a lovely couple of days. The cherry blossom festival is coming up. I pulled out the shorts. There has been patio drinking.

I'm listening to this week's This American Life podcast, Save the Day. I wish that they would have done this liferaft thing at my school when I was getting my thoroughly enjoyable, but possibly completely unutilized liberal arts degree. It also makes me miss being in school.

Another big change is on the horizon. I am kind of scared and very excited. This is the kind of move I had been looking for. I am pretty sure that 2010 could be a big year.

It has been six months since Mattison has left. I'm sure this is officially the longest period of time we have been apart. I miss him.

Also, I have become aware that it is open leering season. Let the raw data collection begin.

Thought experiment

2010-03-15T22:28:00.004-04:00

Before we get to the thought experiment, I would like to reiterate how much I like being my crass self around a bunch of guys at a poker table. It is just how it is.

Thought experiment: If we got a mini-pig, would Kitty try to eat it?

For those of you haven't been keeping track, I will list Kitty's list of attempted suicides:

Putting her head in a plastic bag
Face down in a gin bucket
Trying to jump off the balcony
Drinking drain-o

Wants

2010-03-10T19:04:00.003-05:00

I hope that spring is here.

I've been wanting to watch Beauty and the Beast and the Lion King. Unfortunately, they are both in the Disney vault.

I've been looking up instant film cameras. I would love to have one. They're not the same as polaroids, but they look like a lot of fun to experiment with. I also need to make my way back to the art supply store for some canvases and oil paints.

I am trying to choose which airline to fly on. I wish I could be hard core enough just to by a ticket on Aeroflot and be done with it. I would like to believe that I would be okay, that they will not steal my things and that it will not be several hours late. Is it really worth the $300 that I would save?

It is a little daunting to know that when I come back, it'll be at least a year before I go back. Then another seven months minimum before he comes back.

Angela from the Office is a spokesperson for Clariol. It's a little strange to see her out of Dunder Mifflin.

I'm pretty delusional about love

2010-03-01T21:35:00.002-05:00

"There's one woman who has my heart just a little bit more."

If that isn't true love, I don't know what is.

There is a Victoria Secret ad campaign where models prance around in lingerie saying, "I love my body."
A. I would love my body a fair bit more if I looked like that.
B. But I don't believe that they actually love their bodies.
See the problem? We're greedy by nature.

Also, Jamie Oliver, I don't think anyone likes you anymore. Sorry. I appreciate the idea of a food revolution, but no.

Oprah wants to think of what she does besides work. Again, I'm sorry, I know you work a lot, but really, is your life that hard?

Perhaps I just don't have a sympathetic ear.

Guest post

2010-02-18T16:28:00.002-05:00

An Ode to a Chair

I tell this tale to you, my friends

Of a love so strong and fair

Of that of a single cat

And her favorite chair.

The best of days I spend

With not a single care.

All alone inside my home

With my darling chair.

Until, alas, they do arrive

From a place I know not where

And now I fear the worst:

Separation from my chair.

And the Brunette does offend

Pushes, shouts, and stares

At me to vacate my place

Atop my lovely chair.

The Brunette does not relent

And throws me toward the stairs,

Where I mourn eternally

In separation from my chair.

But I know tomorrow comes

and they will quicken from my lair,

And out the door they shall leave

Me and my precious chair.

And this, my love, is all I know

At the bottom of my feline soul:

That no love can ev’r compare

Of me, a cat, and you, my chair.

- The Baroness Kitten von Mittenberg

An open letter to Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T09:48:00.002-05:00

Dear Valentine's Day,

I am not one to start off correspondence with hostility, but in the spirit of honesty, I want to start by saying that I have never really been a fan of yours. As a small child, it was because I was a tomboy: I hated pink, I hated mushy stuff, and, above all, I hated those chalky necco hearts (still do, actually). Later, in middle and high school, it was a reminder that not only had I been slapped about by the ugly and awkward stick, but that I was full of self loathing. Even over the last six years that I have had boyfriends to share this day with, you have just felt like unnecessary pressure.

Don't get me wrong, I am an affectionate person. I buy gifts without occasion. I drop off treats at workplaces. I buy flowers. I am not against finding any reason to tell people that you love them.

Perhaps that is precisely the reason I have never enjoyed you. I don't need you. I don't need you, or your stunted, bastard step-sibling Sweetest Day, as a reminder to take care of my relationships. I resent you because you are a figment of grand gestures, singular occasions that happen only because of you.

But in the spirit of you, I did the best that I could. I made brownies. I have the Sunday Times. I made a playlist. I'll watch Lost in Translation. I'll make peace with you yet.

Until next year,
Layne

P.S. - In case you wanted to know my playlist, it's below (and unlike a mix tape, I don't adhere to the one band = one song policy).
Know by Heart- American Analog Set
January Wedding- Avett Brothers
Marry Song- Band of Horses
Wedding Bell- Beach House
If She Wants Me- Belle & Sebastian
For Emma- Bon Iver
Anthems for a Seventeen-Year old Girl and Major Label Debut (Fast)- Broken Social Scene
I Will Follow You Into the Dark, Transatlanticism, and We Looked Liked Giants- Death Cab
The City- Dismemberment Plan
(This is) The Dream of Evan and Chan- Dntel
Home- Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
Mushaboom- Feist
Love & Some Verses and Resurrection Fern- Iron and Wine
Burn that Broken Bed- Iron and Wine with Calexico
Into Eternity- Jens Lekman
All is Love- Karen O and the Kids
Post-War- M. Ward
The Re-Arranger- Mates of State
Apartment Story- The National
So Far Around the Bend- The National
That Teenage Feeling- Neko Case
In the Aeroplane over the Sea- Neutral Milk Hotel
Northern Sky- Nick Drake
Sleepyhead- Passion Pit
Young Adult Friction- The Pains of Being Pure at Heart
Young Folks- Peter Bjorn and Jon
Bird on a Wire- Rogue Wave
I Summon You- Spoon
Elevator Love Letter, Heart, The Beginning after the End, My Favorite Book, Bitches in Tokyo, Your Ex-Lover is Dead- Stars
All My Stars Aligned and Marry Me- St. Vincent
Crazy About You- Whiskeytown
One by One and I Am Trying to Break Your Heart- Wilco
VCR and Islands- The XX

The end of Snowcation 2010

2010-02-12T23:00:00.002-05:00

Some quick stats:

DC has had the most snowfall this winter than any winter on record (55.9 inches!)
Out of the 12 days in February, I have had 4 full days of work, 2 partial days, and 4 full days off

Currently I am up in the Baltimore area (the city that currently has the most snowfall of any American city). I have a fire, two dogs, and a bottle of wine. I am not sure what I going to do with this weekend. I have already listened to 3 episodes of This American Life. I'm hoping to use this as a retreat of sorts. Lots of reading and writing. Maybe I'll venture out and try to find a pair of jeans that fit. I went to Safeway and bought a few staple items: Stouffer's mac and cheese (family sized obvi), sea salt and vinegar kettle chips, brownie mix, Ben and Jerry's Dublin Mudslide, apples, grapefruit, celery and hummus.

I think it's going to be a good weekend.

Winterpocalypse

2010-02-09T11:54:00.005-05:00

Blocked

Antennas

Empty Roads

By the Giant

It got thigh high eventually

All I wanted to do was ride a large black horse through the streets yelling "The End Has Come!" True, that I would not be that true to form without three other horsemen, but I would enjoy myself.

Next on Layne Goes Places: El Martes Rojo

A wonderful winter weekend

2010-01-31T17:50:00.003-05:00

D.C. was hit with a second legit snowfall this winter. Sadly, it came on a weekend, and I have still not experienced a snow day since living here. There is always hope.

One of my friends from high school was here with his girlfriend. It was nice to see him, given that we probably haven't spent this much time together since sophomore or junior year of college. We also hung out with a girlfriend of another close friend from NHS who just moved to the area. For some reason, I find it exciting to get to know that people my friends are dating. It's probably because I'm nosy, but we're growing up and it's fun to see the people they care about.

I spent a lot of time cooking today, finally getting to make the lamb lentil soup after several failed attempts to purchase ground lamb. I also have a batch of delicious noodles to consume. I think I have most of my cooking done for the week. I feel quite accomplished.

It has been a week of my mind attacking my brain. I'm hoping to have a quieter couple of days. I don't think I really thought about the decisions I would have to make as an emerging adult. I know my parents were my age once, but I think our early twenties look very different. It's easy to feel isolated, despite the fact that just about everyone I know is going through the same thing.

But onto another week: Adam's birthday, the last two episodes of Rome, lots of yoga, more reading, and a couple bottles of wine. I'm sending Mattison my first care package, complete with new music for him to sink his ears into. Here's to good things in February!

Today

2010-01-28T08:30:00.001-05:00

Today last year, the life I had when I woke up was categorically different from that I had by the end of the day.

It's been a hard year without you. I'm hoping that it gets better from here. You're missed.

State of the Union

2010-01-27T21:17:00.004-05:00

Did you know that 1 in every 10 cats is unemployed?

Did you know that it is hard for Barack Obama to read the letters from children at night, because children write illegibly?

Did you know that Colors of the Wind would be a great song to play during the State of the Union address?

Did you know that the cameras like unflattering views of Timothy Geithner?

Did you know that Nancy Pelosi looks better in muted colors?

Did you know that its hard to stand when you have gout?

Did you know that Nancy later chastises Joe when he doesn't give a standing ovation when she does?

Did you know that several minutes into the State of the Union address, Barack has not mentioned the Korean Free Trade agreement?

Did you know there was a gold lamé suit?

Did you know that the recession is hard on everyone, including cats, who are often prone to violence even in peacetime?

Did you know that the House loves itself?

Did you know that I ate too much tonight, notably raw onions, and feel kind of ill?

Did you know that someone needed to start a U S A chant?

Did you know that it is better to watch the State of the Union not in HD?

Did you know American Apparel no longer offers a gold lamé bat wing hoodie?

Did you know that Barack DID mention Korea and free trade?

Did you know that Rahm and Nancy have a bet on who can start the most standing ovations?

Did you know that Barack's idea about paying back student loans sounds dangerously like that tax in monopoly where you pay $200 or 10% of all of you money?

Did you know that this is how budgeting works?

Did you know that Joe Biden is great at sm-eyesing?

Did you know that all of the justices are Debbie Downers?

Did you know that it's time for Congress to put on their cups and take one for the team (courtesy of Rahm Emmanuel)?

Is it too late to invoke Brokeback Mountain quotes?

Did you know that we are strong, we are resilient, we are Americans?

And now...maybe it is time for a Republican to ruin his career by giving a hilariously bland rebuttal.

The year of the mid-twenties

2010-01-24T10:52:00.003-05:00

I was volunteering yesterday when a girl came into the store. She came up to look at the kittens that were up for adoption. She looked really young, I would have guessed about 14. I saw that she was wearing flip flops and had the foam separators in her toes from a pedicure. She said that she was going to her first winter formal. After she left I realized that I was right: she was 14. That is the age when you go to your first high school dances. That's almost ten years ago. It made me a little nauseous. I enjoyed high school, but have no desire to go back. I am going to be 24 this year. No longer in my early twenties.

I still get carded for alcohol (frequently), cigarettes (the one time I bought them this year), and rated R movies (only once last summer). I know this is irrational panic.

I worry that I am spending the best years trapped in a comfortable office job. The act of inaction is a conscious choice. I feel like all choices will irrevocably lead me down a path of disappointment, disillusionment, and defeat.

How I spent my Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

2010-01-18T17:54:00.004-05:00

9:30- Wake up, commence the set up of our brunch for Steph.
10:00- Pick up Steph, Louisa, and Ikea table. Also the strata.
10:30- Take up the job as front of the house. Arrange tables, candles, runners/tableclothes. The room transforms into an open space with lots of natural light.

11:15- Cook bacon for the next 45 minutes. Matt brings me first mimosa.

11:30- Guests begin to arrive, including Andrew who I have not seen since 2009.

12:00- After I have cooked enough bacon (yielding about 10oz in bacon grease), I go to eat the delicious spread of pancakes (blueberry and chocolate chip), frittata, strata, parm biscuits, and fruit salad.
1:45- Brunch winds down. Guests leave. First clean up begins.
2:00- Leave for Meridian Hill Park to play frisbee and football. We are joined by Refferson, a six year old with an impressive arm for both sports. No one falls in the mud (aka the Elephant Graveyard).
3:30- Return from the park covered in mud. Do not shower.
4:00- Vacuum stairs for what feels like and hour.
5:00- Call Mattison. Discuss July as a possible time to for me to go to Ukraine.
5:22- Eat a parm biscuit with proscuitto. Realize we have 2 packages of proscuitto and another package of bacon still.
5:40- Respond to Brett about him and Brittany coming to DC. Looking forward to March.
5:53- Read an e-mail from McFadden's about how tickets are almost sold out to meet Pauly D and JWoww from Jersey Shore. Wonder if I should buy tickets or not. Seems to hard, but this is the chance of a lifetime.
5:58- Realize that I have spent an alarming amount of money on cheese. An amount that would concern my parents and my doctor alike.
6:15- Leave for yoga smelling of bacon. I need a shower.

Happy Airplane Day to me (Yesterday)!

2010-01-17T00:02:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was my Airplane Day (Homecoming Day, Gotcha Day) the 23rd anniversary of me being in America. Hooray for me! We had a lovely time at Brassiere Beck and another unnamed bar in DC which entraps clients by putting out sombreros and then not letting you take them. Also, our hot water appears to be working! A great day for everyone.

This weekend has been highly enjoyable all around. I went running this morning (possibly hungover, had a headache), finished Logicomix (highly recommended!), and then spent some time with Mattison's parents. We went to the Botanical Garden (I had never been) and the Portrait Gallery (really awesome portrait contest happening right now, I would check it out if you can) followed by dinner at Zaytinya (amazing! We did not see Mike I. from Top Chef , which might have been for the best. The restaurant space is very cool too). They also got me a Le Creuset dutch oven fro Christmas! I can't wait to use it! Between this and the cast iron skillet Mattison got me, I am starting to build my own kitchen set.

After seeing the portrait exhibit, I finally got to start on the piece that I've been thinking about. I bought a canvas awhile ago, but I needed a bit of an extra push to get started. I spent the rest of the night watching Friends and painting (and then I thought, am I back in High School? Speaking of High School, I kept thinking I would see a work by my best friend from NHS at the portrait competition).

And, in addition to all the awesomeness I've already had this weekend, this weekend includes Monday!

Other news of note

2010-01-10T21:43:00.003-05:00

I made bagels today. I was quite pleased with myself. This is not contributing to my non-obesity plan. I am still afraid of yeast.
It was no-pants metro day. No one invited us. I am sad.
The Single Man was quite good. I enjoy Colin Firth.
I went on my first long run in a long time today. I like my new shoes a lot!
Mattison starts teaching tomorrow, and sadly, very sadly, his family dog passed away. I am very attached to pets, but I am sad that this happened while he was away.
Our house really needs to be cleaned.
We still do not have hot water. I don't think we have heat anymore.
I have been extremely nostalgic for Italy and want to go back. I will have to settle for finishing my scrapbook.
Awesome map metrics, thank you NYTimes.

This is terrifying

An open letter to The Giant Columbia Heights

2010-01-10T21:10:00.003-05:00

(Yes, I know that I am not the master of the open letter, but I wanted to take a page from Janene's book and publish one of these)

Dear The Giant of Columbia Heights,

I know that it must be good times for you. Business is always good, your are always crowded, notably in the hours after work and on Sunday. You are in a growing, changing community so you are always meeting new people and things are never boring; however, I do want to bring up an issues that have been troubling me as of late.

I know that I do not try hard to be attractive, and that is why I am only allowed to come to semi-attractive hour. I know that I should probably put on real clothes and should not show up on your premises in a green onesie with white polka dots, a red cashmere sweater, and my Christmas argyle socks. Despite these things, I want to know why I have only been allowed to Hot Guy Hour once. I was really surprised when I stumbled into Hot Guy Hour. Usually, I will only occasionally notice that there is an attractive person around. But once and only once did I notice an abundance of hot men.

I have many questions: Does this happen often? Is there a schedule? Do I have to apply to attend? Was this a one time trial that I have to pass a certain test to continue to attend?

You know Giant, if you really want me to show up to you looking like I usually do. Maybe I you want me to put on some make up, which is in general a bad idea because I don' t know how to use it. I would try though, if you would let me know when this happens. Perhaps, as many know, I am in relationship, but really, I am not trying to pick up guys. I really just want to do my grocery shopping when I am around attractive guys rather than the usual collection of disgruntled customers. Give me an incentive. Those work really well for me.

You know where to find me Giant. You know that I could probably set up a very elaborate zip-line from my bedroom to get to you. When you're ready to talk, I am there.

The very best,
Attendee to Giant's semi-attractive hour(s)

Alternate Universe II

2010-01-10T20:42:00.003-05:00

My polyjuice potion works. I turn into a cat. I retain most of human intelligence, but I am cat (and I retain my density). A black cat. I mysteriously disappear, which causes Jen and Janene concern; however, I can still type so I use my laptop to tell them that its me. Eventually they believe me because human Layne never comes home. They buy me a baby bjorn so I can withdraw money from my bank account.

I am hungry and harass them a lot. They do not let me outside, except to get McDonald's in the morning. I scratch and bite people who try to pick me up. I read a lot of books (Janene gives my paws a sticky tab so I can turn pages). I still use the bathroom so no one has to clean up after me.

Max believes Jen after two tries. Steve is more reluctant to believe me. Mattison is completely skeptical because he does not have visual confirmation and he thinks that this is an overdone, elaborate joke. I don't know what we tell others. They think it is odd that there is a black cat that loves cheese and seems to listen to NPR all the time.

(It is less likely, that Kitty is brewing polyjuice potion in the basement. She will turn into Jen and seduces Max for evil. Max will know. This is part of the movie that involves horcruxes. Maybe this is the sequel, or perhaps it is a prequel. Jen becomes the cat and we realize it is Jen because she is harassing Steve, sexually. Janene saves the day and realizes that Jen is the cat now. This heads into the original film because they give me an ultimatum to kill Kitty, who is secretly a horcrux, because she is evil. We segway into the original film that in which Barack Obama is my next target for a horcrux. Please stop asking me why I like to pick living horcruxes, that is none of your business.)

Alternate Universe I

2010-01-09T10:18:00.003-05:00

I buy a sewing machine and actually learn how to use it, instead of haphazardly trying to use the machine inherited from my great grandmother that hates me. I begin to make designer aprons. I find some sort of following on the Internet and eventually make it into some high-end boutiques. I quit my job to spend my days at home, listening to NPR and making aprons. I decide not to go back to grad school and become an entrepreneur.

Eventually, I make enough money so that I can move to Colorado and buy a couple of horses. I own many different pairs of Frye boots. I wake up early in the morning to muck out the stalls and feed the many cats I keep in the barn. At this point, they have figured out a way to make cats live forever and Kitty takes a pill every morning that extends her life (the Philosopher's stone for felines, I'm sure someone is working on it). I compete on the hunter jumper circuit. I go on trail rides. I buy a small, clever Shetland pony because I love them. I smell of straw and hay and dust almost all of the time.

I have small house with a large kitchen. There is a bar in the basement. I have a tap for Delirium Nocturnum. I have time to read the collection of books I have amassed since my early teens, in addition to the many others I want to read and reread. Sometimes I smoke a pipe on my patio and watch my horses graze. I learn to appreciate scotch. I learn to be happy at home and at rest.

Onward to 2010!

2009-12-31T18:50:00.000-05:00

Still sick. Trying to remember all that has happened in 2009. All in all, I think it is fair to say that I think 2009 was not my best year. You can say I'm cynical, which I am, but it's true. And it's not to dwell on the bad things, we all encounter them. It was a year of separation and loss, for me and perhaps for the world on a larger scale.

It wasn't a bad year, but I'm glad it's over.

I can imagine 2010 to be better. I believe it will be.

No New Year's resolution that I can think of for 2010. I have a few goals in mind, eat healthier, try to work up to a marathon again, save better so I can get myself to Ukraine. I'm excited to see what the next 365 brings.

And back in DC

2009-12-29T10:27:00.004-05:00

Sick in bed, listening to NPR, tired and full of coughs.

My cat is losing hair on her stomach and hind legs. This worries me. She's still lively (as she ever was, anyways), eating well, and not vomiting (any more than normal). I worry about her age. Maybe she is stressed. Not enough cat yoga.

Christmas was one of the least dramatic I can remember. It was wonderful to see everyone. I love Michigan. Even suburbia. I'm sure the novelty would wear off after awhile, but I'm feeling homesick on top of feeling sick. I really did not want to come back to DC. I'm sure part of that was feeling ill. Thankfully, Adam and Mike were feeling well and being the wonderful boys that they are, they drove the whole way while I slept in the backseat for the duration of the trip.

Today's goals: sleep, laundry, set up external hard drive, and maybe some reading. Feel better.

An early recap of 2009

2009-12-13T11:52:00.004-05:00

Things I now own

Gold Lamé pants
A green with white polka dots onesie (one day I will have one with footies and an ass flap, but this is a great start)
Men's oversized plastic bargain glasses that fit my obscenely wide face

Break ups that would break up Janene

Her parents
Michelle and Barack
Mattison and me

Things I have learned

My deep alto voice lends itself well to the male leads of Disney duets.
Sometimes, even in July, the Gunpowder River of Maryland is far too cold to spend four hours in.
At Subway, Italian B.M.T. most likely stands for Biggest, Meatiest, Tastiest.

Favorite reasons for being an adult

Adult dunkaroos (sugar cookies covered in five month old, unrefrigerated Funfetti icing)
Buying large quantities of ridiculous clothing
Having stretches of days with a 1:1 shower to bottles of wine consumed ratio

Favorite name I have acquired: M.C. Density
Best equation discovered: Adjective + Animal wines are the best (see Little Penguin, Tall Horse, Smoking Loon etc.)
Book that consumed the most of my time: The Ukrainians: Unexpected Nation by Andrew Wilson
Most exciting Columbia Heights opening: Tie for Plaza de Janina and el grande abierto de Chipotle

Two more weekends until Michigan

2009-12-06T09:28:00.003-05:00

Celebrations on acheiving very low goals: I attended two open-bar holiday parties and woke up sans hangovers both mornings.

Brothers was great, terrifying, both in performances and how terrifyingly hot Jake Gyllenhal is.

Something I found strange this morning: If you do a store locator search for Williams Sonoma, they give you the option to search for stores up to 100 miles away. Who is trekking 100 miles to buy kitchenware? Perhaps that is a naive thing to say, since I have lived in fairly densely affluent areas all of my life. But if you live in Bumblefuck, America, I think you would know that you should just order W & S via internet or catalog.

And onto larger issues: As Mattison has been getting ready to go to his placement, he has said that he is beginning to understand what the two year commitment will feel like. In a similar, but less interesting, infinitely more pathetic way, I am starting to get a sense of what this will be like. I realized that we will be spending two more anniversaries with several thousands of miles between us. So far, it has been hard, not painful, and I hope that it can stay that way.

This is the first time that Mattison and I have been doing something radically different. We studied abroad, finished school, and found jobs all in relatively the same time frame. I feel (in a wrenching way that I had heard about, but never felt) very distinctly lost, pulled in several directions. I'm taking the GRE soon, but don't think I can realistically apply until 2011 (scary to think that by the time my next big move happens, Mattison will just about be coming home from Ukraine). I have become the cliche of the bright, young person who graduates from school, flounders around, and has no idea what the fuck to do with herself. Or, perhaps worse, has ideas of what she could do to improve herself, but finds a lack of commitment or will or follow through paralyzes the next step forward.

That sounds fairly damning, but perhaps accurate. For short term goals, I need to procure some food and go volunteer with cats. Christmas shopping and GRE later.

The Fifth Anniversary

2009-12-04T18:21:00.005-05:00

Today, Mattison and I celebrated our five year anniversary. Here's to many more to come.

He had these sunflowers delivered to me at work.

Bring me the plant that leads us
where blond transparencies rise up
and life evaporates like an essence;
bring me the sunflower sent mad with light.
-Eugenio Montale

Thanksgiving War

2009-11-27T19:33:00.003-05:00

The following is a song that Kitty wrote to commemorate the war between cats and humans at Bonanza City over Thanksgiving 2009:

(Sung to "Savages" from Pocahontas)

Part 1-
[Kitty]
What can you expect
From filthy little humans?
Their whole disgusting race is like a curse
Their skin's a ghoulish white
And I need so to be fed.
They're vermin, as I said
And worse

[Imaginary cats]
They're savages! Savages!

[Kitty]
How I hate those humans

[Imaginary cats]
Savages! Savages!

[Kitty]
Drive them from my room!
They often harass me
Which means they must be evil
I must sound the drums of war!

[Kitty plus imaginary cats]
They're savages! Savages!
Dirty stupid humans!
Now we sound the drums of war!

[Jen]
This is what we feared
The feline is a demon
The only thing she wants of us is weed

[Janene]
Beneath that furry hide
She schemes for us to die

[Jen and Janene]
I think we'll hide her in a tree!
Feline savages! Savages!
She thinks she is a human!
Savages! Savages!

[Jen]
Killer at the core

[Janene]
She was made a horcrux
Which means she can't be trusted

[Jen]
We must sound the drums of war

[Jen and Janene]
Feline savages! Savages!
First we deal with this one
Then we sound the drums of war

[Kitty plus imaginary cats]
Savages! Savages!

[Janene]
Let's go kill the cat, Jen!

[Kitty plus imaginary cats]
Savages! Savages!

[Jen]
Now it's up to us Nene!

[All]
Savages! Savages!
I'll show you who is human!
Now we sound the drums of war!

-Part 2-
[Layne]
Is there nothing I can do?
Will this really be the end?
Is it only death that waits
Just around the riverbend?

[Jen]
This will be the day ...
(Let's go Nene!)

[Kitty]
This will be the morning ...

[Jen and Janene]
We will see her vomit on the stairs!

[Layne]
I don't know what I can do
Still, I know I've got to try

[Jen and Janene]
Now we make her pay

[Layne]
Rahm, please help my feet to fly

[Kitty plus imaginary cats]
Now without a warning ...

[Layne]
Barack, help my heart be great

[Jen, Janene, Kitty, imaginary cats]
Now we leave 'em blood and bone and rust

[Layne]
Spirits of the earth and sky ...

[Jen, Janene, Kitty]
There's only room for one

[Layne]
Please don't let it be to late ...

[Jen, Janene, Kitty]
Just a bunch of
Filthy, stinking

[Jen and Janene]
Savages!

[Kitty and imaginary cats]
Savages!

[Jen and Janene]
Demons!

[Kitty and imaginary cats]
Devils!

[Jen]
Kill them!

[Kitty and imaginary cats]
Savages!

[Jen and Janene]
Savages!
What are we waiting for?

[Jen, Janene, Kitty]
Destroy their evil breed
Until there's not a hair left

[Layne]
How loud are the drums of war

[Jen, Janene, and Kitty]
We will sound the drums of war
(Savages! Savages!)
Now, we sound the drums of war
(Savages! Savages!)

[Jen]
I have seen what comes
of that cat who is a bum

[Kitty plus imaginary cats]
Now we sound the drums ... of ... war!

[Jen and Janene]
Of course it means the drums ... of ... war!

[Layne]
Is the death of all I love
Carried in the drumming of war?

Thanksgiving Eve

2009-11-25T23:14:00.003-05:00

Today we got out early from work. After shopping for Thanksgiving food, I came home at and passed out from about 5:30 to 10:30. Since I could not fall back asleep, I am watching Life is Beautiful, which I somehow never saw before or during my stay in Italy. Sadly, I don't understand nearly as much as I should. Maybe after the GRE I should keep getting up early to brush up on one of the many languages I now know little of.

The quarantine ended in Ukraine so Mattison will be able to go back in the classroom on Friday. A week from Friday is our five year anniversary. We met when we were 17 and here we are. Well, here I am and there he is, apart and together. Two months in and all is going very well.

And tomorrow we will give thanks! I am thankful for many things this year. Family, friends, good cat, good food, and a good life. What more can you ask for?

It's worth its weight in cats

2009-11-19T17:58:00.003-05:00

My list of favorite things to do that make me feel like a successful, intelligent adult:

studying for the GRE (aka remembering and being confused by basic arithmetic)
begging for money for my next car insurance payment
drinking wine that my roommate brought home from work, because I am way down on this week's budget

Things that went well today:

Cats for Gold
Defenders gives me 75% off of all plush animals! I think this is my 8-year-old self's dream come true!
Tomorrow is Friday

Guest post

2009-11-18T07:12:00.000-05:00

I do not trust
the floor,
often sticky.
Run,
step light and
keep close
the walls
are safe.

Brunette yells.
Must remember
wave tail in face.
Act casual.
No one will know.

The Blond
potential ally.
Unsure at present.

The Big One
gone.
Nothing left
but the Small One
and her love
threatens me
with Santa Hats.

- This post courtesy of the Baroness Kitten von Mittenberg, emerging cat and poet.

Penultimate

2009-11-14T16:01:00.004-05:00

So, Henri the Otter of Ennui appears again after another Michigan football loss. Maybe 2010 will bring something that hurts my soul a little bit less.

I have been studying for the GRE this week, and I have realized some key things:

I do not remember math very well. The math on the GRE is not hard, and it is infuriating that I have simply forgotten so much of it.
I had learned this a little earlier, but my attention span has definitely decreased since graduation. I kind of knew this because I have a harder time sitting and reading for a long time. But trying to study for the GRE has not gone very well.
Not necessarily related to GRE, but looking at U of M's (I think, maybe it was a D.C. school) requirements for public policy, you have to have at least a B or higher to not have to take calc again. I barely got a B in calc at Michigan! I thought I had taken that class for naught.

The week in work was very good. It went by much faster than usual, and the Denver conference looks well prepared. I also got to see one of my friends from high school, which was a lot of fun since I haven't spent much time with her since graduation. You can never really leave Northville.

Janene's mom is in town this weekend, which as been very nice. I thoroughly enjoy meeting other people's parents, because you get a much better sense of where your friends came from and why they are the way the are (for good, ill, and otherwise). Even my parents, who are considerably different from me, explain my behavior pretty well.

Reflecting on the Mitten

2009-11-07T10:35:00.003-05:00

The notion of home is a strange one. While not a particularly original topic for a recently relocated young person to write about, it is strange to think that "going home" has so many meanings depending on context. It can mean I'm simply going home from work or, in D.C., it can also mean returning to Michigan while alternatively in Michigan it means going back to D.C. For years home has meant many things to me, my mom's house, my dad's house, my dorm, my house, my apartment, Northville, the Villa, America, Michigan, D.C. I like that for the most part, I now feel at home in many places. Sometimes it lends to me feeling strange and divided, but I am quite contented at the moment.

To return to another cliched plotline in my extended adolescence, I am increasingly losing ground as to what I should be doing with my life. I have three major options, but none of them seem like the right choice. I am always consumed with buyer's regret. It is the Tyranny of Choice.

Option 1: Am I considering this only so that I won't regret not doing it later?
Option 2: Do I really want to go down this road without the necessary experience to back it up?
Option 3: Will hunting and pinning down a new one make me feel more fulfilled or will I end up in the same situation again?

I worry more and more. Watching Legends of the Fall last night made me fear having a stroke. Now I worry that I will be paralyzed by worry and fear.

Strangely all I have wanted to do is lie in bed, stare at the ceiling, and listen to The National's Boxer on repeat. I think that will help me make choices.

A Window into Bonanza City

2009-11-04T22:22:00.004-05:00

I draw sea turtles on index cards and make funny faces that Janene likes and Janene does not.

I love Ilan Hall of Top Chef. I'm sorry Fabio, I also love you, but Ilan is gorgeous. Please open a restaurant in D.C. so we can fall in love, and you can cook for me. I bring less to the table. You can hang out with my cat.

The big decision of the weekend is whether or not I should go back to Michigan. There are strong arguments on either side. What to do what to do what to do.

As I am liable to fall under peer pressure, I think I'm going to start studying for the GRE before work because Janene is.

I got a letter from Mattison today on Wallace and Gromit stationary I got him many moons ago! It was so exciting.

Adam K. is coming home at Christmas! Zingerman's, Michigan Theater, Totoro's, and Ashley's here we come!

I think I wrote similar entries into a diary when I was about ten. Great.

Facts of life

2009-10-31T21:01:00.003-04:00

University of Michigan football makes me want to cry.
I want more things that are gold and shiny.
I think I am getting repetitive stress injuries from work.
I am not good with money. Terribly unfortunate fact.
2010 has to be better than 2009 right?

Things that have happened

2009-10-26T20:51:00.005-04:00

My dad sent me cider and doughnuts from Parmenters of Northville. It was amazing. I miss Parmenters so much. I do not miss the weight I tend to gain from over consumption of fried, sugared dough.
Janene and I went to a housewarming party at Matt's. We were a stellar team and for the first time I ran a beer pong table. It was great. We also met one of Matt's housemates named Marshall, who is a new great addition to our collection of D.C. friends.
We had what was possibly the world's first Meta-Ironic Hipster Gold Lamé Housewarming party. It was amazing and documented in no less than one hundred and fifty pictures. Jen kicked someone out. I think I might have scared our neighbor. We went through a lot of PBR. We found gold stars on the floor the next morning.

Notable quotes

"On a scale on Kevin Jonas to 2Amy's, how black out am I going to get tonight?"
"Do I have to flash you to get those beads?"
"It's fall, fuckfaces. You're either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you're not."-McSweeney's

I got the worst guerilla ambush hangover in the world the next day. Then I had to volunteer. So, Sunday was not as much fun, but I survived as a winner.
Today, my neon orange saftey belt came in the mail. Halloween here I come.
Mattison has been gone for over a month now. So, that's one month of of twenty-seven, but who's counting? Overall, it has been very manageable so far. We shall see how it goes.

It's called Top Chef, not Top Scallop!

2009-10-21T22:20:00.004-04:00

So, my dad's trip ended up going very well, despite the horrible weather. It was nice to be able to show him D.C. Hopefully, it allays some of the fear of me living in a big city. He is also sending me cider and doughnuts tomorrow and I am so excited.

Today I got to talk to my boss from my internship. It was very nice to touch base and see where some of the projects I worked on or saw in their beginnings get carried out. I get a little anxious keeping in touch with people, even people I have been friends with for a long time. So, it is good that I am putting in the effort rather than letting a lot of time pass and then worrying if that person actually wants to hear from me or not, what I should even say, etc. Anyways, it is always good to get another perspective.

We bought gold lamé! We are ready for our meta ironic hipster housewarming party. It will be an epic event in Columbia Heights.

Top Chef restaurant wars! The best episode ever. I miss Fabio. When is his show starting?

This is D.C. winter

2009-10-17T17:26:00.003-04:00

It has rained the entire time my dad has been here, which is supremely annoying. Most of experiencing D.C. involves it not raining and being about 40 degrees for days on end.

Also, kudos to Purdue (I will not call you Purdon't for at least a week).

The perfect autumn day

2009-10-11T23:00:00.004-04:00

Halloween Spirit

Apple trees

Napping post berry picking

Cider and caramel apples!

We had been planning to go to the apple orchard this weekend. Luckily, it was about 68 degrees and sunny with no wind. Ultimately, it was a blissful day that we spent roving around at Butler's. While we didn't get to pick any apples (the season is actually over) or actually see the pumpkapult, we picked raspberries, walked through the orchard, and stared at the autumn sky. What more could you ask for?

Favorite quote: "Layne, I'll move down so I don't poach from your bush."

Later, Adam and I went to see Ben Jonson's The Alchemist, the first play of my Shakespeare Theater subscription. I think it is pretty funny that I subscribe to theater. How very Stuff White People Like of me. I enjoyed it, their interpretation was very lively, my favorite being the Texan brimstone and fire Ananias.

And tomorrow I have Columbus Day off! I enjoy long weekends that have Mondays off rather than Friday. If I get a Friday off, I still get that Sunday evening dread of Monday. Today, I delighted in the fact that I still don't have to worry about going back to the office!

Cheers to a great day!

Pictures of Bonanza City

2009-10-11T22:43:00.004-04:00

Kitchen

Kitchen to the Living Room

Living Room

Jen's Room plus balcony

Janene's Room

My luxury suite bedroom plus yoga studio

Personal statements

2009-10-09T22:07:00.003-04:00

I hate writing personal statements. Writing admissions essays for colleges was the bane of my existence and a large part of why I only applied to three schools. I dislike writing about how my experiences have shaped me and why people should consider me as a better candidate. At first, you might think that this blog is a long personal statement, which it is in a way; however, I cannot be self deprecating in a personal statement. While I am strong at presenting strong, analytic arguments in the third person, I feel like very condescending and pretentious when writing about myself. A blog is a place to indulge in one's own self interest, but, like interviews as well, I have a hard time convincing myself that my experiences matter.

Another problem lies in the fact that I have incredibly thin skin about my writing (and artwork too). I imagine this has its root in the fact that I have rarely received negative/constructive criticism, and now I fear that I am extremely overrated and will find out that I do not in fact have the abilities I believe that I have. I had to have Mattison read the essays because I am uncomfortable sharing them with anyone else. And I had to wait until he went to Ukraine to read his comments because I was afraid that I would be too sad after realizing how bad it was (the comments were only constructive and didn't make me sad).

But I forge on. Letters of recommendation come next. We'll see where I go. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, but I have to get the ball rolling.

Also, I have done a really poor job managing my finances the last few weeks. Hopefully after this paycheck all unexpected and anomalous expenses will be done for awhile, and I can start a financial rebound.

This weekend's highlights include my first Homeward Trails event in a few months, a tailgate followed by the U of M vs. Iowa game, a trip to the orchard, seeing The Alchemist with Adam, and at least one long bike ride. Dad is coming to town next weekend. And I'm visiting or being visited by Mattison's parents in November! I am glad that we are starting to establish a pattern of staying in touch, because I was afraid that my social anxieties would overcome my desire to see them in Mattison's absence.

And now, back to editing.

Fun Facts

2009-10-04T22:47:00.003-04:00

After searching out some international calling cards and finding out that all websites involving calling cards look like sketchy sites set up by 9 year olds, I was told that you can use Skype's not-free services for international calls.

Cost on Skype to call a mobile phone in:
Ukraine- $0.214
Kazakhstan- $0.212
Ghana- $0.191
Mozambique- $0.189
Iran-$0.182
Algeria- $0.176

Some of these surprise me, but I guess in some countries like Ghana and Algeria they might not have had a large land line network. So, instead, they might have gone straight to using cell phones without having to adopt a new technology.

This weekend was an Ikea weekend. I hammered together a desk because the screws would not let themselves be screwed in. While putting together Janene's bookcase (I was a spectator), I proposed the Ikea Grab Bag in which you would buy a mystery box of Ikea parts and tools. Then, you would be free to assemble the structure as you wished from whatever you bought. It could be the next hipster trend!

And now, another week begins.

The week at large

2009-10-01T21:26:00.003-04:00

I am about 95% moved at this point. I have yet to retrieve my bikes from my old apartment, but after I get those, collect the last of my mail, and turn in my keys, I should be done. It was a good first apartment. As I cleaned and looked around, I felt resentful that I had to leave. Not really the space, which was small, crowded, and perennially dirty, but the life that was there.

Now that the packing, cleaning, and moving is all over, I feel pretty exhausted. I am glad that I have no commitments tonight and may choose to fall asleep at 9:00. As much as I complained about all of these things happening at once, now that they are (mostly) done, I am happy that I had a weekend of distractions. In the upcoming weeks the three of us will continue to settle in to the new place and my dad will be here to visit too. And soon enough the holidays will be upon us again. I'll be here for Thanksgiving, as will Jen and Janene, and I will get to cook my first Thanksgiving dinner.

This will sound terrible, but I am partially relieved that Mattison is gone. I had spent so much time consumed with anxiety and afraid of his departure and now it is over. Now I can start doing all of those things that I'd promise I'd make myself do when he left. Yesterday I had dinner after work because I was hungry and because I could! I know, these are wild times indeed, but if I can't enjoy these small pleasures, what will I enjoy?

I got an e-mail from Mattison, and it sounds like he is doing well. Busy, he has five hours of language training a day plus other classes. It sounds like we will be able to stay in contact, at least until he gets his placement.

I am glad the week is almost over. I think the highlight of the week was going to the Australian Chorale concert with Andrew followed by drinks at the Watergate. It made me feel fancy. He is a lovely person, and I am glad he is here for awhile.

TGIF TGIF TGIF

Off he goes

2009-09-25T17:29:00.003-04:00

The event went well, except for my poor decision to wear heels. I came home, we went and played pool and darts at atomic. We returned, Mattison debated his packing choices and tied up loose ends. We woke up early to get breakfast before heading to Union Station. We ran a little late, but he boarded the train with the last of the other passengers. Now he's in Philly staging.

And I'm here, moving and packing.

Bags and boxes

2009-09-19T19:16:00.004-04:00

Packing up again. It is sad to see bare walls and empty shelves. I think I have a better handle on moving than I thought. Given the size of my apartment, I don't have that much stuff here. Once the big furniture is taken out, I think I can manage the rest on my own. I should be able to get a reasonable start next weekend.

Mattison is moving most of his things to his parents this weekend. He has a cyclocross race tomorrow, which should be fun to watch. Hopefully his sprained ankle doesn't get in the way too much. One of his high school friends and his dad will be there to watch, and it is supposed to be a nice day. Hopefully we can make it to Eastern Market afterward, I have a craving for one of their soft pretzels.

People have been asking me how I feel about it. I have been trying to craft a good automatic response, which has been something that includes how I love how he is adventurous and excited to learn about other cultures and serve his country in this way and how I will be able to have a place to visit. I can't articulate how I feel about it, which, as someone who writes, suggests to me that I don't know how to feel.

This week is the big one. I can't believe this is actually going to happen. He is going to go to Ukraine for twenty seven months. I don't know when I am going to see him again.

On illness, mortality

2009-09-16T21:12:00.003-04:00

Naturally, as the weather starts to change and stress is high, I get sick. It is a sinus infection, but I caught it early instead of waiting for it to cause so much pain that my teeth hurt. Hopefully with the antibiotics, nasal steriods, and tea I will be okay.

In terms of my family, I gotten off the easiest as far as illness is concerned. I got a call from my mom on Monday learning that she had been in the hospital since Friday due to pneumonia. Today, I get a call from my mom again, and she is better, home from the hospital; however, my grandma was in the hospital today due to something like a heart attack. They did a scan on her heart and found that two of her arteries were about 75% blocked. They put in stints, and she should be released tomorrow.

I believe that tragedy often travels in pairs, and as I said before, and not to curse anyone, I am waiting for someone else who I love to die within a year of Don's death. I am close to my family, and this last week has only reminded me that I am not able to be with them if I am sick. I am dreading getting another call that will just blindside me (not that knowing is necessarily better).

There are other things that scare me too. If something were to happen to my dad in the next few years, I suspect that I would want or have to take care of most of his estate. While my fraternal grandma is doing well, she is approaching eighty and it I imagine it would exhaust her. One day, I might be responsible for both of my parents and potentially my stepdad (given that I have my doubts about how else he would be cared for).

These are the things I worried about today.

On a side note, for fellow Top Chef viewers, isn't Mattine just adorable?

Coming to terms

2009-09-13T23:53:00.006-04:00

Another weekend up in Pikesville. Mattison's bon voyage party was Saturday, filled with his family and friends. Several Peace Corps alums shared their experiences and reinforced the rewards and gifts that this placement will bring.

It was a great weekend, with an amazing U of M victory over Notre Dame and equally amazing losses by OSU and MSU. As Mattison begins to say farewell for now to his family and his friends, it is nearly impossible to keep the reality from sinking in. As the big work event and the move draw closer as well, it is increasingly difficult to pretend that we still have a lot of time together. I need to change my address, get a shipping van, pack, fix the apartment, turn on utilities, etc.

We still have not had a conversation about what will happen to us. While I think it is inevitable and will help address some of the logistics like communication, part of me thinks that it is kind of pointless. How could we know what is going to happen and how we are going to handle it? In efforts to begin filling the void, I have imagined all sorts of goals for myself like working out enough to bench press my body weight, losing a few pounds, taking the GRE, maybe taking an econ or stats cours, and experimenting with becoming a vegetarian for awhile. I am more likely to fulfill some of these goals than others, it does not change the fact that the cadence of my life is going to change dramatically. It is going to be extremely difficult.

I think the upcoming departure is finally becoming real to Mattison as well. He is beginning to move his belongings to his parents, make his travel arrangements, and finalize necessary purchases. Watching him hug and wave to his friends this weekend reminded me of how hard this must be for him as well, which is a fact I had forgotten. While focusing (successfully or unsuccessfully is hard to say) on limiting my self-pity, I have ignored the fact that this will be a bigger transition for him than for me.

The end of September is likely to be a scramble, but perhaps it is better that way. It is hard to say.

Trying new things

2009-09-07T19:59:00.003-04:00

In the past when I have been confronted with separation from Mattison, I engaged in a lot of preemptive suffering. There was always a great deal of emotional tweaking and crying amid a constant feeling of anxiety. This time I have decided to try something different: denial. There is no desperate count down of days until he leaves, no long nights of crying, and a limited sense of foreboding. It is going rather well. I am still having a good time and enjoying myself rather than having all events rendered, at best, bittersweet.

Labor Day weekend has been really nice. We went up to visit Mattison's parents for a couple of days. We went to Mariluna, a nice hike, and to a beach out in Delaware. Part of me feels guilty that going to see Mattison's parents is much more enjoyable for me than when Mattison visits my parents. Not that he doesn't enjoy it I am sure, but I am very comfortable around his parents due to similar interests, worldviews, and general demeanor. I love my parents, but I can't say we like or believe in the same things. I do hope to stay close to his parents when he leaves, it is like having family here.

Mattison and I went to see Julie and Julia today, which I really enjoyed. I know that I share similar cooking related breakdowns and adored a movie based around learning how to cook. Mattison's parents bought me Mastering the Art of French Cooking for my birthday and Mattison bought me a (very heavy!) cast iron skillet today. I can't wait to dive in.

While watching the movie today, I saw the growing of a simple idea (cooking all the recipes in Mastering the Art of French Cooking) and the resulting aftermath. I, like I am sure many other disenchanted, office dwelling English majors, would love to imagine and follow through on a project that could result in a book. Thus far, I have not found such a project.

Dinner awaits, then transforming some gucky bananas into banana bread. My birthday in ways begins tomorrow at 11:00AM (when it is midnight in South Korea), and so my 2amy's birthday dinner will actually coincide with my birthday. Hurrah!

Troubled sleeping

2009-08-29T14:39:00.003-04:00

Usually, when I want to fall asleep at night, it takes a few minutes, and I am out until morning. The last couple of days, I've had some really unpleasant dreams and been up for an hour or two in the middle of the night. This morning I dreamt that Don did not die. It was very disconcerting. He tried to explain that he had taken a potion (think about Juliet and the apothecary) and he intended to wake up a lot earlier, but something went wrong. It was somehow worse when I woke up.

Mattison has been in Amherst for a couple of days with Sean. It has been quiet in the apartment. I need to do some cleaning before he gets back, maybe do some laundry later. Things still feel too normal. I'll have plenty of time to worry later.

Also, for the record, the OxiClean commercials just aren't the same anymore.

Some mistakes have been made

2009-08-23T18:02:00.002-04:00

Ah, the end of August is upon us and with that, the end of summer. The last couple of weeks have been pretty steamy here in D.C., and I am hoping that it will be cooler by the time we move. Sadly, I found out that my lease actually ends on October 31st, not October 8th as I originally thought. Apparently, while I moved in on October 9th last year, my lease didn't start until November 1st. This fault, which is all on me and my inability to read documents carefully (hence why I hate paperwork), will be pretty costly. While I would have liked to have known this so we could have thought and perhaps moved later, I really love the place we are moving into. The extra time will allow me to take my time moving and take it easy.

Mattison and I went and saw Ponyo last night. In true Miyazaki tradition, it was visually stunning, delightful, and clever. The movie featured a return to hand drawn animation, giving it a plainer, but incredibly well suited aesthetic to the film. The art was inventive and seemed like the best way to tell the story. It fell more in line with Totoro or Kiki's Delivery Service, there was no real antagonist and the themes didn't drift into war or greed, but stayed light and focused on love and some environmentalism. Highly recommended. It's loosely based on The Little Mermaid, which is one of the more gruesome fairy tales involving the removal of tongues, mistaken identity, and death (of sorts) from unrequited love.

Check out the trailer here.

Early anxieties

2009-08-19T21:21:00.002-04:00

I am getting really nervous about moving. One day I aspire to live in one place for more than one year, perhaps it will be Bonanza City.

I am already envisioning the packing, losing things, having to take apart and reassemble my furniture, lugging endless boxes to my room, the money it costs to move and get new thing, and worrying that I won't clean my apartment well enough to get my (very small, but needed) security deposit back.

Currently, I still have to figure out when my move out date will be. I looked at my lease, and it said that my lease terminates on 10/31/09, when I thought it would be able to end on 10/09/09, a year after my lease began. It's either going to be 9/30 or 10/31.

But after all is said and done, I will be living in a nice new place with great roommates. I do like unpacking and setting up house. There will be a lot more space, a fresh start.

Tricks of memory

2009-08-16T22:25:00.004-04:00

The reality of Mattison leaving is not a constant yet. It is still a fact that I realize in between long, extended periods of everything being fine. I hope that this phase lasts as long as it can. I need to avoid making a countdown. Living in a state of anxiety over impending departures is exhausting.

Ukraine, or, how six months became six weeks

2009-08-15T12:03:00.003-04:00

Calendar of Events
Aug. 30
Mattison's birthday

Sept. 9
My birthday

Sept. 24
The big annual awards dinner at work

Sept. 25
Mattison begins his stateside Peace Corps orientation

My lease begins in Columbia Heights

Sept. 27
Mattison leaves for Ukraine

Oct. 9
My Cleveland Park lease ends

We found out earlier this week that Mattison had the option to be considered for a placement in Eastern Europe. After questions, answers, and much consideration, we learned the Kazakhstan was not a sure bet for March, and that the general offerings of Eastern Europe seemed more attractive than Central Asia. And so, Mattison is leaving in six weeks to start his Peace Corps term in the country which he had hoped to serve in when this process began.

A lot has happened this week: understaffed at work, moving forward on the lease, getting my head around what I need to do before I move, and then, as of yesterday, trying to understand what it will mean for Mattison to be gone for twenty seven months.

Clearly, the larger point is that he has to get ready, and I want to make sure everything is in order to the best it can be before he leaves. But, those feelings of martyrdom aside, I think right now, the emotion that is coming to the forefront the most is jealousy.

I had said that our separation when we studied abroad was tempered by the fact that, at least for me, I was somewhere new, beautiful, and stimulating. I was able to have my own adventure. Now, that is not the case. It will be convenient (for lack of a better word) that I'm moving into a new place with new roommates and hopefully, that place will be more dissociated from him than if I were to stay in my current place. It won't change a lot, but it will help.

I am not convinced I have the courage to do what he is doing, just as he took the more adventurous route when we studied abroad. I worry that in the time that he spends evolving and maturing in a foreign place, that we will no longer be compatible. I will remain here, in my nice, safe office job unsure of what comes next, but with great certainty, knowing that it will not lead me to anything near the experience that he is having. Chalk it up to my competitive nature if you will, but what worries me most is not the time apart, but thinking on the longer term, what happens after?

There are plenty of bridges to cross until we get there. Maybe I will convince myself that I can do the Peace Corps. And naturally, that will bring up questions of motive. Am I doing it because Mattison is doing it? Am I doing it because Don died and part of me wants to do something for him? Won't going into a long term commitment only extend the time apart from Mattison?

And while those are all valid questions, I am not sure that you can really isolate parts of motivation from the whole. Of course those things are taken into consideration. Part of me has thought about Peace Corps ever since we had someone come and talk to us about their experience when I was in high school, which at the time, sounded crazy, but very tempting at the same time. The people I used to babysit for (whom I respect very much) have told me that they regret not doing something like the Peace Corps, and I know that I will one day feel the same way if I choose not to take advantage of my youth and general lack of commitment now.

The next six weeks will be a blur. And then, for the first time in a very long time, I won't be committed to anyone. Not that we wouldn't consider ourselves in a relationship, but I could move anywhere I want without wondering if Mattison would come with me and what that would mean.

Perhaps it will be with a clearer mind, a new space to call home, and a different set of obligations I will start making some larger choices. But until then, I need to learn about Ukraine and see Mattison off.

Notes of all sort

2009-08-12T19:47:00.004-04:00

Happenings in D.C.

We have a lease to sign! After review and our autographs, we should have a place to live. Let the Bonanza City madness begin. Get your gold lame ready.

Andrew, a friend I have known since 3rd grade, is in D.C., and we finally got a chance to meet up. Who would have thought we would still be in touch still? It might be overly sentimental, but it makes me really happy. I think he is very much what we all expected him to be like, not in a bad way. He is the kind of person who makes you feel like you can do anything. He is genuinely a great, brilliant person, and I am very happy he'll be around for the next year or so.

I like my new job a lot. It is a good place to be; however, I'm getting antsy about being in D.C., even after being here for not even a year. Where do I go from here? What's next?

Great, possibly depressing, stories about Michigan

This piece, in Guernica talks about the possibility of Detroit becoming the largest center of urban farming, which gives me hope. I think it's a great idea.

This piece, from NPR, talks about shrinking Flint as a method of saving the city. This is another thing I support.

This piece, not actually about Michigan, talks about how the one thing more depressing than living in Elkhart, Indiana with no job is moving from Elkhart, Indiana to Jackson, Michigan, which has been considered the worst small town to find employment. Check out those pictures folks, they scream of tired America.

This piece, to end on a lighter note, talks about Ralph Williams, the much beloved former professor at the University of Michigan starring in a documentary film called Trivial Pursuits. Sounds great to me.

Layne Goes Places is getting places

Additionally, thanks to Google Analytics, here is a list of places that Layne Goes Places has been read internationally in the last thirty days:

Calgary, Canada
Chandigahr, India
Halifax, Canada
Newcastle under Lyme, United Kingdom
Ovideo, Spain
Redcliffe, Australia
Ste. Foy, Canada
Vancouver, Canada
Zagreb, Croatia

For those of you who live in these places, extra thanks to making me wonder how you found my blog. I hope it was enjoyable.

A list of grievances

2009-08-02T14:16:00.005-04:00

It has all in all been a great weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed Lindsey's birthday party, visits from Mattison's friends (one of whom was asked if Atomic was a gay bar and the other who lost about 95% of the Connect Four games that we played), and super cheap American Apparel purchases; however, all is not well in paradise.

Why might you ask?

1. I had a dream that I got in an argument with Sarah Palin. Why am I dreaming about Sarah Palin?

2. My iTunes audio won't work. If I try and play a movie, it will play without sound. I even updated the software today. This makes me sad. I hope I don't have to reinstall it or reupload of my music.

3. For some reason mold grew on my cycling gloves and the fabric parts of my helmet (strap, padding). This is gross and I don't know why it happened. Maybe because I left it by an open window and the humidity got to it?

4. There is a goddamn mouse living under my sink. I am going to be realistic and say that this is a large apartment building and yes, unwanted visitors (bugs, rodents, etc.) will inevitably cross paths with the human residents. This does not make me feel any better. I now feel like an irresponsible tenant and a gross human being. All the joking about my former workplace being infested with rodents as a humorous/disgusting sign of their general dysfunction is way to close to home, because it is in my home.

Am I really this unclean? I would like to think that I am better than this. I feel like this is how identity crises are started. An MVP goes to my cat who, despite being old and declawed, tried very hard to flush the mouse out and catch it. She is also actively patrolling the kitchen. There are instincts in that ball of hair. I guess, on the bright side, it is not roaches, I fucking hate roaches.

Or, this is why I have lived with a boy for the last three years. Boys take care of these things. Mattison is at work. I think maintenance will come today or tomorrow. Now I see every closet and cupboard as a potential stash-house for pests.

I can't wait to move...

Still getting settled in DC

2009-08-01T13:34:00.003-04:00

This has been the first weekend since the 4th of July that I have been in D.C., and it feels great. I didn't get out of bed until 1:00. I don't even have much to do this weekend! The whole world is before me.

I started my membership at the YMCA this week. I get a discount through work, and since I'll be moving soon, I won't have access to the (crappy) gym in the basement. Besides, it has a pool and a lot more variety. I went yesterday, and I am very sore today. I haven't been lifting in awhile, and it is embarrassing to put weights on the bench press bar, only to have to remove them because there is no way I can bench press more than just the bar itself.

After the gym, I made my way out to VA to have dinner and play some darts, but we ended up back in the district after we realized on of Mattison's friends was in town. We went to the Brickskellar, and I have to say that, having been there twice now, it is one of the most overrated places in D.C. You can't get anything on tap in the basement, and often you have to ask for several different beers because it's likely they only have one of your selection. I'd take Ashley's any day.

Stomach on my mind

2009-07-27T19:04:00.005-04:00

Today I went to the YMCA to join the gym and proceeded immediately to Krispy Kreme to buy half a dozen doughnuts. Now I am watching a show about hot dogs. Sigh. If only I could have been born with a metabolism to allow me to let my inner fat kid run wild.

My foot has been bothering me a lot lately. I haven't been running much, but walking around in Chicago was not great. I made the poor choice to wear flip flops rather than tennis shoes, although my Pumas wouldn't have been much better either. Long story short, I think I'm backing off the full and half marathons I was planning on doing this fall. I think that it would be nice to go for a year without a stress fracture.

I am excited to start at the YMCA. I could use to do some strength training and build some muscle. Maybe I'll even overcome my fear of being a horrifically slow swimmer and learn to share lanes in the pool. It should be good.

No Reservations tonight is going in the Rust Belt. I'm super pumped to see where he goes in Baltimore and Detroit.

Chicago Round II or How I Spent Most of July Elsewhere

2009-07-26T20:07:00.004-04:00

I think my next move is going to be to Chicago.

This sentiment must be tempered with the fact that the last two trips I have made to Chicago were beautiful. Not too hot, sunny, and not so humid. I should really visit in January or February to reinstall my dread of the Midwest winter.

Mattison's family is great. Not that I don't love my own family, but there's no way we could have pulled off this vacation with my family. Notably because I would probably die of discomfort and awkwardness if Mattison and I had to share a hotel room with either my dad or my mom and my stepdad. Ugh, that would be awful. Somehow, it was not at all uncomfortable to sleep in a bed about three feet from his parents.

We didn't do a hike of the city. I would have been interested to do the glass boxes on the side of the Willis (Sears) Tower, but the line was long and it was expensive. We did a river boat tour of the architecture of Chicago, which was cool, despite our slightly condescending docent. Lots and lots of food, I don't think any of us were truly hungry at any point (on a related note, a month of vacation eating and not so much exercise has not been great for my figure). The hotel we stayed at had an outdoor pool off the 5th floor, so we were able to hang out there, drinking beer, and having a grand time.

And now back to the working world. I guess the title of the post is a lie, I spent 13 of 31 days (42%) outside of DC, but I think that's quite a bit. This week should be good, hopefully we get closer to finding a house to live in, and Tuesday is my Spring Awakening date with Janene. And my job will become less learning/orientation based, and I'll be doing real live contributions to my office! Just as exciting as vacations.

Back in DC

2009-07-20T18:14:00.003-04:00

I made it back to DC safe and sound, despite the worried comments from every family member. It wasn't a bad drive, lots and lots of This American Life, and I even abstained from eating Combos. This is most likely because I had Zingerman's in the morning and bought a delicious sandwich for the road. I spent about three hours with the family I used to babysit on Zingerman's patio, drinking coffee and imagining what the kids are going to be like when they grow up. I know I've said it before, but the parents give me hope that you can be both good parents and fun, interesting, independent people when you grow up.

Leaving Michigan made me sad. I could have easily spent another week there. Another round of trivia at Conor's and another stop at Ashley's for sure. I think I got all my Northville food needs met, but of course there can always be more. I do love Michigan. Even though I don't like the suburbs, they feel like home. I love DC, but I can't imagine staying here for more than three or four more years. But, who knows where life will take me.

I started a new job today. I am happy to say that I think I will really enjoy it. The staff are very friendly, but also have a sense of humor that I appreciate. One person in particular reminds me of someone I worked with in Southfield, which is a great sign indeed. Lots of orientations today, but I don't know what else I would want to do on day one. I like some of the new benefits and really love that everything in the organization is covered with animals. There is only one thing I would change so far: the animal that you see when you exit the elevator. Our floor has an owl, I would much rather see an otter, puma, bear, whale, dolphin, etc.

A week in Michigan

2009-07-17T16:51:00.003-04:00

I have thoroughly enjoyed my time in Michigan. This week was reminiscent of the summer after graduation from NHS since I got to see Brandie, Mary, and Matt throughout the week, in addition to the golf team, one of whom I haven't seen since I left for U of M. I could move back to Michigan, perhaps sooner than I had imagined. There are people I love and adore here.

I've been going through my room this week, throwing away most of the stuff that remains. I've kept a few boxes of keepsakes, mostly yearbooks and scrapbooks, photos. Some of the friendships have not changed, Brandie signed an entry from 6th grade as Best Friends Forever and Allison wrote all sorts of inflammatory, incriminating notes at the end of my senior year. I was mostly looking for Don's messages, which I was surprised to find that there were few, but the one in the 2004 left me in tears.

I threw away all of my old diaries today, there were about seven of them that chronicled my life from about 6th-11th grade. I skimmed through them before I put them aside, full of woe-is-me entries. Nothing worth keeping really. I remember those years more fondly now, and, perhaps it is foolish to say, I don't really want to remind myself of the day to day drama that I was able to invent in my life.

Today I went out to visit Don for the first time. His marker isn't in yet, so the grave was hard to find. There were people standing near it for awhile, so I sat and waited for them to leave. He's not really there anymore. I'm sure his body would be unrecognizable at this point. I don't exactly know what comfort you're supposed to get from visiting graves. I suppose a place to be alone and think, perhaps to feel closer to that person. I'm glad I went, hopefully it'll be marked next time so it's easier to find.

Oh, and on a lighter note, Allison, Andrea, and I definitely saw a couple doing it completely naked in a light green SUV in front of Panchero's at about 12:15 last night. Hilarious. We parked next to them, saw them going at it, then, instead of leaving, they moved to the neighboring parking lot. We made sure to honk and flash my brights at them before we left.

The first of many weddings to come

2009-07-12T13:52:00.004-04:00

The trip to Michigan was great, an easy 8.5 hours with no traffic or construction. I am proud to say that my co-pilot Jen was superb at keeping track of our toll road tickets and keeping me entertained. I will be sad to be alone on the way home, but I think I have enough episodes of This American Life to enjoy. By the end of the trip, I will be convinced that I am actually friends with Ira Glass.

Brett and Brittany's wedding was beautiful. The ceremony at St. James was very pretty with light comedic touches and heartfelt moments and constant abuse of the word reverence, although it took me awhile to figure out where the organ was (back behind the pulpit, completely out of view. Very sneaky). Brettany looked very happy and very young. I now have married friends. I have other friends that are married, but they are real adults with houses and children. The last time I saw Brett all dressed up like that was at prom. Five years ago.

We had some time to kill between the ceremony, so we went to Chili's for some added nostalgia. We took down several helpings of endless chips and salsa, queso, and some mojitos to start off the day. This, we realized, was not a great idea, and we were pretty full with dinner not that far off. It did keep us from getting black-out drunk. I woke up today hangover free!

The reception was at Meadowbrook Country Club, and the whole night was a blast, except for the fact that they did not play all of the songs I requested, including "Kiss the Girl" or the Michigan Fight Song. Nothing says "I love you forever" like Disney classics or the best fight song in the world, so I don't know why they didn't play them. Sadly, Matt was carded thrice during the evening, despite his dapper appearance and his crafty planning to match the wedding colors. Danny valiantly drove us all home at the end of the night, because he is such a gentleman.

Ah, and this is the very beginning of the weddings. Scott and Liz are have their wedding next month, which unfortunately we can't go to. I wouldn't be surprised if another engagement happened by the end of this year.

Also, if anyone can figure a polite, socially acceptable way to decline holding a baby, please let me know. The only way I have figured out so far are "I'm sorry, I have swine flu" and people would just think I'm joking.

Other news to note

2009-07-08T12:00:00.005-04:00

Due to the time difference, I need to remember to avoid the NYTimes during the Tour de France because stages get spoiled. I know few people actually care about the tour or want it to be a surprise when they watch it on Versus, riddled with commercials and awful extended commentary, but some of us do. Thanks for ruining the fun. Also, maybe I've been too hard on Lance Armstrong and it's a little crass perhaps to be annoyed with his media coverage. What if he does end up throwing it down?
My ex (the only other person I've dated, for those of you keeping count) got engaged recently. I sent my congrats, but I mostly feel weird about it. Obviously, I'm happy for them, but I guess this gets back to my general wariness of marriage. It grows stranger to me all the time.
Despite the divorce rate in the country, I don't really have any friends whose parents have been divorced (save Don). I think my attachment to houses and the idea of homes comes from a general sense of displacement throughout my teen years. It's not on the scale of diaspora by any means, but it's hard to feel settled and comfortable.
My big accomplishments today include telling my dad that I can't play golf on the Sunday after Brett's wedding because I will be far too hungover, facebook friending a 17 year old, and buying tickets to Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. What a day. Other goals for today include gin and tonics and jalapeno poppers.
Update: My dad returned my e-mail with the following, much appreciated response:

"You're too funny! I understand. Sure, we can play later in the afternoon. I wanted to know because Tom Wicks ask if I was in for Sunday morning."

The End of Childhood

2009-07-07T21:47:00.004-04:00

In contrast to the last post, this one will not be covering the fun and fancy-free events that I have become accustomed to in my life as a near adult in D.C. Instead, we're going to take a step back and look at the life I left in Northville, Michigan.

For reasons I will not disclose here, my mom and my stepdad have decided that it would be best to sell the house and move. This is painful for me. There have been many houses in my life, but few homes.

Stone Haven

This was my true childhood home. The home of water balloon fights, capture the flag, and sledding breathlessly on an impossibly small hill. A band of us formed between a few select houses, we spent a great deal of time on swing sets, making and torturing paper dolls, and feuding in the way that only children do.

Hilltop View Drive

We moved here when I started sixth grade. I was sad. Not only had I left my best friend's neighborhood, but since I was a year older, we were now at different schools. By the end of my sixth grade year, my parents had separated. My father and I stayed here, in this big house with a master bedroom and three bedrooms upstairs, until I was a junior in high school. I can honestly say that I don't really have any happy glow attached to this place.

Franklin Road

This was the house that my mom moved to after the divorce. I love this house. It is small and homey and it is where I have most of my memories. I got my cat here and I have memories of birthday parties and my art room in the basement where I spent most of my teen years drawing, imagining, and filling that emptiness inherent in divorced-adolescent angst with art. I understand the reasons to leave, but it hurts.

Lochmoor Circle

This place is where my dad moved after Hilltop View Drive. I have never felt much attachment to this house. It has never really felt like a home, whether due to the time that I really lived there or otherwise. It represents a point of contention in my life and my stubbornness that makes it hard for me to call it a home.

I've lived at other places since then and loved them. East Quad was okay. I loved the time I spent at 818 Dewey with Adam, Brandie, and Margaret. That for me will always be my iconic college house experience, not that I didn't love living with Adam on 4th street the next year, but I think we can both agree that the house was something different and special. I love my apartment in D.C., but it is a 500 sq ft apartment. It will have a special place in my heart, because it is my first apartment that I signed for on my own, and it has become the first place I lived with Mattison.

But the house on Franklin is my idea of home. It is where I want to go when I feel like I want to retreat from D.C. and give up on this pretend adult life that I'm trying to make for myself. And I know that this happens, parents move because why should they have a house that was made for a whole family when it is just the two of them?

The thing that kills me, the thing that really got me during my conversation with my mom was when I said, "Well, I thought the bad news was going to be that you had to get rid of the dogs!" And then silence. They do have to get rid of the dogs. Our toy poodle, Alex, will go to my grandparents who will love him and take care of him and he'll enjoy hanging out with their mini-Dachshund. But my boxer, Ziggy, my dog, will be going to my stepbrother. I'll reserve my feelings about him here, but I'm currently scheming and trying to figure out a way for Ziggy to come to me.

All in all, I am just sad. There is no real home for me in Michigan anymore. Not that I won't be wanted there or won't have my family and friends to be with, but it's hard to extract that idea of home from that one house that you love. It's part of the drama of leaving childhood for sure, not unique in any way, but still painful when you run up against it.

I've grown up and blown away...

Product Review: Intex Sit N Float

2009-07-04T13:02:00.005-04:00

Intex Sit N Float Lounge

Yesterday, in a product review session on the Gundpowder River in Maryland, eight intrepid volunteers ventured into the wilderness to test the integrity of Intex's Sit N Float. Let's look at some of the product's features:

2 cup holders

2 Handles for stability
Unique design for extra fun and comfort
2 Air Chambers
10 gauge vinyl
Transparent top panel with brightly colored bottom
Repair patch included
60" X 39"

The box did not explicitly advertise that this product was good for outdoor/non-pool use; however, to test the true strength of the Sit N Float, we thought it best to take it out on a tubing excursion. Our Sit N Floats were purchased at the Columbia Heights Target, where the buyer received many strange looks after clearing out the fun, inflatable pool accessory area. The buyer considered buying other products, such as Wally the Walrus (pictured below), but thought, while it would be hilarious, that it might not be practical for navigating the nautical wilderness.

We arrived to our destination launch point after our drive from DC, surviving the difficulties of purchasing alcohol in MD and getting yelled at by Mattison in his Scary Dad voice. The boys took the cars to the end point, and the girls were tasked to Sit N Float assembly.

I'm not entirely sure why 2 air chambers is anything to brag about nor do I know how many gauges of vinyl you need to make it down a river. Janene showed her a cappella lungs off by blowing up twice as many Sit N Floats than the rest of us. Jen mostly failed in the blowing up of tubes, but did attract unwanted attention to the group due to her dress and general resemblance of a Grecian goddess. We did spot a duck raft in the hands of a child that would have been better suited in our river armada.

After enjoying a lunch of turkey, pepperoni, cheese, and Amish potato salad sandwiches, we began our journey in earnest. At the onset, the unique design did seem fit for extra fun and comfort. None of the wrestling involved with inflated, bulgy truck tire tubes. We did fail to bring any other sort of tube, so there isn't a control for this experiment. That's okay, fun isn't easily measured by science.

I think the prime feature in the Sit N Float is the presence of two cup holders. We appreciated this feature as we needed a way to bring 36 cans of beer with us on the river (don't worry environmentalists, we brought garage receptacles and did our best to make sure that no trash was left in this beautiful MD state park!). Luckily, we had an extra tube which became our floating beer cooler, and the water was cold enough to keep our brews from overheating.

Over the course of our expedition, we experienced no breakages in the main air chamber and only one break as far as I was made aware in the smaller air chamber meant for holding your legs up. They survived a great deal of abuse. We also survived a great deal of abuse from the river and having to listen to me sing Disney tunes in an attempt to survive the entire ordeal (my sincerest apologies).

Pros: The tube held up to not ideal conditions such as being dragged across rock/branch/snake infested river floors, cold water, and jagged aluminum from poorly crushed beer cans. 2 cup holders, which was unseen in other peer products.

Cons: One of the air chamber openings was on the bottom of the Sit N Float, which came undone on occasion when jostled against rocks. The leg holder didn't do an awesome job of keeping your lower body boosted high enough to avoid getting abused/penetrated by rocks. Also, possibly not big enough for adult men, which is hinted at in the picture as the man is not fully utilizing the product, making the Sit N Float look more like a Lean N Stand. Only 2 cup holders, 4 might have been preferable.

Overall: B+

This user would definitely recommend the Sit N Float for domestic pool usage and even outdoor tubing trips, but would advise anyone looking to go tubing to check the height of the river and the temperature of the water before spending three to four hours in a fifty seven degree river, losing your shoes, being so cold that alcohol cannot prevent feeling hypothermic, and then failing to bring clothes to change into so you have to go commando on the way home.

Selling parts of me

2009-07-01T10:32:00.007-04:00

After a brief inquiry into becoming an egg donor, they are already sending me information. I hope that information includes if I am eligible without knowing my medical history. I wonder how many people come to them simply curious. I'm at least moderately curious. Although, I've been through this curiosity before in college when I also believed I was strapped for cash.

I do find it strange what parts of our bodies we can give away for money. According to the National Marrow Donation Program, marrow donors are not paid to donate marrow. We are encouraged but not paid to donate blood (or can you get paid to donate blood?). You can donate plasma for money. You can get money for sperm and eggs. You're not supposed to sell your organs, but I'm sure you can if you look in the right places. It's all very strange.

I suppose for most of the things you can get paid for, plasma, sperm, and eggs, they regenerate fairly quickly. I guess you can't or shouldn't donate endless amounts of marrow, blood, or organs for cash, as it might cause you more bodily harm? I could sell a kidney for the right price, but I warn you it's high. I think it's even in decent condition.

In other news...
The red line is ruining my life
I am going to start throwing paintballs at cars that try and run me over
I am excited to go tubing this weekend
Life is pretty good

Bring out the augurs and the birds

2009-06-28T12:09:00.007-04:00

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about what will happen when Mattison leaves for Kazakhstan next March to do the Peace Corps. Here are some predictions.

Becoming a depressed hermit
I think this will come as a shock to no one. By the time Mattison leaves, we will have been dating for nearly five and a half years. That's 24% of my life! I think that for a long time, I will become a zombie. I will simply shut down and retreat inward. I'll listen to a lot of NPR, and I'm sure my future housemates will be delighted with me as I politely decline for the 100th time to go out on a weekend, because I would rather stay at home and talk to my cat.

Read and draw more
As I become reclusive, maybe I will get back into my creative side. I haven't generated much art in the last few years, and it would be nice to get back into it. Additionally, I realize that art had always been an outlet for me during high school, where, as all teenagers, I struggled with a sense of identity and felt depressed. Of course, now, that all seems silly. Facing unhappiness, I will likely turn to the things that got me through my last large phase of depression, books and art.

Get harder, better, faster, stronger
In efforts stave off huge weight gain from eating my emotions, I hope that I will push myself into running and biking. Maybe I'll join a gym to do more strength training. Physical exhaustion is might be the closest thing to being happy when things seem bleak.

Sell my eggs
I've thought about this before in college. I mean, what girl hasn't read the pleas in the campus newspapers saying that you can make between $5K and $10K for each donation and make a nice, reproductively-challenged couple happy? It's tempting.

Sure it takes awhile to set up, the process is time consuming, and it causes, I imagine, a great deal of physical discomfort. It could be kind of weird to help produce a child, but I don't think the idea of a person made from my eggs will bother me. All it means is that there is another person with my genetic material walking around this earth that I probably will never meet.

So, if I have sick time and can make it to the appointments, why not? Of course, they have to let me. I'm adopted, so I don't know my medical history, which might be a problem. But, pros for me are I'm good health, I don't smoke or do drugs, I'm fairly smart, and I'm a pretty good person. Cons? I'm short, I'm a genetic wild card, I'm kind of chubby, maybe I'm not that smart, and I have no egg donor track record. I could be a bad broodmare.

I don't really know what the donation process entails. I'm sure I'll be more able to be celibate and alcohol free for a few months in this two and a half year ice age than while I'm in a relationship. But $6.5K per egg donation to the Shady Grove Fertility Clinic will certainly help me pay to get tickets to Kazakhstan which costs $2K and takes at least seventeen hours each freaking way. Guess where all my vacation time is going? If you think for a second that I'm doing this purely for altruistic reasons, you'd be dead wrong. It doesn't hurt to know you're helping someone, but mostly, I need to help myself.

Celibacy?
One of the first questions people ask me when I say that Mattison to the Peace Corps is, What will happen to your relationship? (or something to that effect). I guess the answer is, at this point, I have no clue. We have done long distance, two summers and a semester abroad for a total of a year and two months in different places. It's not like we are untested in this arena.

But, having been apart, I know that there is a lot of pressure to be in the relationship and to provide that emotional support when you are separated by that much distance. According to the City Distance Tool, the distance between Washington, DC and Almaty, Kazakhstan is 6,533 miles or 10,513 kilometers. When we were apart in our respective semesters abroad, we didn't communicate much. A handful of emails a week, the occasional skype or AIM conversation, but I didn't hear his voice much except for the week we spent together in Berlin. It was hard, and the thought of multiplying that time apart, probably with similar rates of communication, by fivefold seems impossible.

Mattison will be going through a lot of transition, much more than me. The exhaustion that will come from language acquisition, culture shock, living with a host family, and the other countless changes in the onset and overall duration of his stay will be enormous. Trying to maintain a relationship in the midst of that might be an unnecessary stressor, and I don't want the relationship to become a nuisance.

Additionally, I'm afraid I'll cheat on him, an honest concern coming from someone who has cheated in the past. I'd rather break up with him if I inevitably will seek out a relationship or sex or whatever, which I don't think is unreasonable in the course of two and a half years. But I know I'll feel guilty, even if we aren't together. I am pretty sure that all I'll be doing is waiting for Mattison to come back. It might be too hard.

This might be dramatic, sure. People go through separation and break ups all the time. Think of military families, where that significant other is risking their life, somewhere far away for years at a time. We don't have children. Financially, his absence won't really affect me. These things happen. Life goes on.

I am scared to lose him. Sure, conventional wisdom might tell me that there are other people out there, and that he isn't the only person in the world for me. Losing him in the short or long term does not condemn my life to an eternity of misery.

But then, politely and respectfully, I would tell you that you haven't found someone that is as good as a fit for you as Mattison is for me. I understand that Peace Corps will change him and perhaps so much that we are no longer good for each other. Barring such huge transformations, I would say that he is it for me. Game over.

For now, I'm looking forward to the next nine months. That is, at least, a good amount of time.

Chicago, the liveblog (a long entry)

2009-06-22T11:27:00.001-04:00

Thursday, June 18
7:55PM
Laughing and drawing attention to self while listening to Malcolm Gladwell's competition with his friend to see who could get the phrases "raises deep and troubling questions" and "perverse and often baffling" into the Washington Post (apparently the evolution of breasts and mollusks are neither perverse nor baffling).

11:17PM
First red hot.

Friday, June 19
12:21 AM
I realize that I brought only shirts to Chicago. No pants, no skirts, no shorts. Fail.

1:09PM
I consider ass-implants the only plastic surgery that I would get.

1:18PM
If he calls you "homeslice," proceed with caution. Especially if he lives in the suburbs.

8:21PM
Trip to the Art Institute of Chicago's new modern art wing. It's beautiful and pretentious.

Saturday, June 20
1:01 PM
I am truly happier when I am near a Great Lake.

2:04PM
On the bus to Obama-land to see Harry Potter: The Exhibit. I also become T-Layne with a pending release "I'm on a Bus."

2:06PM
Early Halloween ideas: one of Beyonce's dancers from the Single Ladies video (cons, I should probably learn part of the dance) or Alex from Clockwork Orange.

3:16PM
We arrive. Anticipation is high.

3:21PM
Ticket guy has adorable accent. No pictures in the exhibit. Expected, but sad.
(Update: Ticket guy's fav HP character is Gilderoy Lockhart, he is therefore no longer adorable).

3:23PM
Go through magic doors. Turns out all exhibit staff have British accents.

3:26PM
They are sorting us before we go into the exhibit! No, wait, they are taking volunteers. And only child volunteers. This is discrimination. Results: 2 Gryffindors, 1 Ravenclaw, 1 Hufflepuff, 0 Slytherins.

3:35PM
There's the Hogwart's Express! The fat lady! Audio tour traffic jam! Def more adults than kids here.

3:36PM
I resist the urge to spit on Umbridge's section, even the kitten plates disgust me.

3:37PM
I get yelled at for having my iPod out to liveblog. I explain that it is not a camera. She says it doesn't matter, there are no electronics allowed in the exhibit. Avada Kedarva bitch. Thankfully, I came prepared with pen and paper and liveblog goes oldschool.

3:38PM
I touch a real quaffle.

3:40PM
In Hagrid's enormous chair and pouting, still mad about the no electronics policy.

3:43PM
Did anyone else know that the Dementors have tails? They are projecting Voldermort's voice at a whisper. It feels like he's here. I am afraid.

3:55PM
It's over? Seriously? At least there is a child crying who understands how I feel.

6:03PM
We pass Chicago's Hard Rock Cafe and 8th grade band memories follow. I have come a long way.

6:30PM
At Portilla's, I realize that I like Chicago red hots, but what I've really been searching for is Red Hot Lovers. Sigh.

9:32PM
The millionth drunk trolley passes us, but this time they are chanting Michigan cheers. Go blue!

Headlines that have amused me

2009-06-18T15:39:00.004-04:00

Mother fought off cougar to save toddler from attack
Polish woman wakes up in morgue
Oregon woman obsessed with rabbits arrested again
Michigan unemployment rate highest in nearly 26 years, expected to get worse even if economy improves
Heroic 9/11 Search And Rescue Dog Cloned
I'll pay for half those star tattoos to be removed, says the man who engraved 56 on 18-year-old girl's face
Men only train cars sought in groping fears

The world is full of strange and wonderful things.

This place is one of those wonderful things- Trattoria Mario
Let's all go to Italy.

Fails: Some good, some bad

2009-06-15T07:40:00.000-04:00

Stanley Cup Fail
Friday we saw the Wings lose the Stanley Cup during Game 7 against the Pittsburgh Penguins. We just looked weak for so long, then didn't pull through during the 3rd period when we were oh so close to tying it up to go to overtime. Better luck next year Detroit.

Hangover Fail
After our unsuccessful trip to see The Hangover last week, we called the theater ahead of time to try and make sure we could get tickets (buying them online costs about $13 a ticket!). We pregamed a bit, watched some awesome videos including The Arlington Rap and Jen's wonderful contribution of a flash MC Hammer mob video. During the metro ride, two of our party got off at Metro Center, but surprisingly, beat us to Chinatown nonetheless. But alas, by the time we got there, it was sold out.

We ended up hiking over to E Street to see Away We Go. I was hoping that the combo of Sam Mendes, Dave Eggers, and John Krasinski would be good, and I wasn't disappointed. It seemed like thirty-somethings Juno meets Goldilocks, trying to find a city that's just right. I would recommend.

McDonald's Fail
We had noticed signs for 10pm unaccompanied minors curfew, but didn't think it was in place until we went into a McDonald's swarming with the sweat and heat of many unaccompanied minors. As we were eating, we realized the place had thinned out considerably. When we left, there was a cop standing outside carding people to get into McDonald's. The cops actually threatened a kid with handcuffs if he didn't leave! How great. I love DC.

All in all, a great weekend
Mattison did a century and got some pretty stark tan/burn lines. I got a good 40 mile ride in on Saturday followed by a 9 mile run Sunday. The run was not as painful this week, which is good since I'll be spending most of the summer running on weary legs. I made it down to Eastern Market on Sunday, and had the best pretzel ever. Life is good.

I leave for Chicago Thursday! I am so excited.

Wolf Like Me

2009-06-10T16:12:00.003-04:00

Our big event happened yesterday, and it went off wonderfully. Lindsey really pulled together a great event, which was threatened by interoffice drama, torrential downpour, and unexpected guests. I got to check in Robert Redford and give him his name tag (that he surely didn't need), which was the evening's highlight. Ah, and now what do we look forward to?

I have for once an uncluttered weekend coming up. It is supposed to be nice, a long road ride and long run are in order. Perhaps some frisbee. Maybe the Hangover. We saw Up last week and it was really wonderful. The film really focused on death and loneliness, beautifully rendered and very touching. Maybe canoeing?

TV on the Radio was a good show, although I have to say I enjoyed The National much more. Maybe because it was Monday and we got there after the opener and they played all the songs I liked early I just kind of zoned out and drifted along to the music. But, the vocalists have some amazing pipes and it was a thoroughly enjoyable show.

Great lakes, Great times

2009-06-01T07:12:00.000-04:00

It was a great weekend to be in Michigan. It was busy, but I got to see just about everyone, including two of my friends I've known since first grade. The run for Don was awesome, and I was really excited to give the book that I made about Don to his parents (you can take a look at some of the book here). I miss him. I had one woman ask me some really inappropriate questions at the event, which I found particularly infuriating, but seeing his family was just what I needed. I did need to go home for his birthday. I would like it to become a tradition.

Unlike previous trips, this one really made me feel that I have moved. It was a visit to Michigan rather than a trip home. Michigan will always be my home to some degree, but it felt very distinctly a separate space from where I live now. It's sad in a way. Going to Ann Arbor left me bitterly nostalgic for last year. I miss being a student, living in Ann Arbor, the family I used to babysit everyday, the free golf, having Don be alive, and the friends I had there. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy to have my friends and Mattison here in DC, but I there really is no sense of community here. I've already bashed D.C.'s unfriendliness, and while I know I needed to move to work and experience a new place, I miss where I was last year.

I'll be going home in July, so hopefully I'll get to spend more time with my mom and the kids I used to babysit for. I think my dad is still planning on coming this month, although it gets chronically pushed back. We're now looking at the 27th and if he can't make it then, I'm going to be out and about for the 4th and then I come home the next weekend.

Also, Mattison got an offer to go to Asia in August for Peace Corps. I'm glad that his paperwork is finally done being processed, but now this whole thing is becoming a reality. He is not going to go in August, since he wants to fulfill his obligations at his job, but I will have to deal with the crippling agony of him being away for two and a half years. It's going to be a huge challenge.

Time to go behave like an adult.

The National

2009-05-26T22:44:00.003-04:00

http://image.examiner.com/images/blog/wysiwyg/image/930club.jpg

The 9:30 club is awesome. It reminds me of the Majestic in Detroit. I was only there once, for a Broken Social Scene show, and got super close to the stage. For the National, we weren't sure how the 9:30 club would schedule events. To be safe, we got there around 7:30 and hoped that the show would start on the early side. Naturally, we were wrong and had to wait until about 9:00 before Colin Stetson took stage. I hate waiting and my legs get really sore, but I think we were handsomely rewarded. There were about two rows of people between me and the stage and the venue never felt overwhelmingly hot and it wasn't smoky, something I enjoy very much about DC.

Colin Stetson was great, he played an alto sax and some super huge sax, perhaps a bass sax? It produced a deliciously deep sound that rumbled in my chest. I like when openers are coherent with the headliner, but here it made sense, Colin is part of the National's brass/wind section.

For one reason or another, I wasn't expecting a lot out of this show. I like listening to the National, but I wasn't sure how they would be live. New Pornographers was great and upbeat, but got kind of monotonous and I was worried that this show would be the same.

Luckily, I was very pleasantly surprised. This was an amazing show. The set list was missing two key songs I wanted to hear (Karen and Sons and Daughters of the Soho Riots), but I got to hear Secret Meeting, Abel, and Slow Show. The brass/wind section added so much to the set. I was afraid it would be a tame, slightly boring show (I'm thinking of you Iron and Wine), but they rocked out, the full ensemble reminding me of Broken Social Scene's huge, sprawling stage. They were very personable and the lead singer Matt Berninger had a bottle of wine on stage. He has a gorgeous voice, very distinct and awesome in person. He's strangely handsome, moves spastically, and appears to have very long femurs.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3165/2384294386_65b1aefbbf.jpg

To me, there is something strangely romantic about their music. Sure, sometimes the lyrics don't really make sense and can be extremely repetitive. I love it. I would love to see them again.

Abel, come on, give me a reason
I am not as bright as I could be
Abel, come on, take me with you
Everything has all gone down wrong

Memorial Day Weekend

2009-05-25T16:25:00.003-04:00

Things accomplished:
Disc golf
Car wash
Return of the Jedi
60 miles on the bike
7 miles running
Terminator Salvation
Homeward Trails
Laundry
Lots of the Giro d'Italia
And tonight...The National at 9:30 club

Between running, biking, and just generally walking around in DC, one thing I do notice is how DC is less friendly than Michigan. I know this is the big city vs. little city thing, but it's really obnoxious when I wave to people, and they stare at me like I'm crazy. If I'm running and I see another runner, I used to wave in recognition. At least cyclists nod at me.

The cycling has been great. It's really been a wonderful weekend. I know that I was sore running yesterday, but I think that cycling will easily surpass running in terms of my favorite activities. I am slow and I can't take hills very well, but I don't feel like I want to die when I'm done. Too bad the traffic is so heavy around here that I can't really bike before work, that would be fantastic.

I don't want to go back to work. Thank goodness it's a 2 1/2 workweek. I know I get a lot of time off where I work, and I don't really have a stressful job, but this three day weekend has felt like a tease.

Early morning workouts

2009-05-19T07:28:00.000-04:00

I've been getting back in the habit of getting my exercise in before work so I can lounge in the evening. I don't know if I simply haven't been getting enough sleep, but I have felt like shit once I get to work. I used to feel energized, but now I spend most of the morning wanting to go to sleep. Since I get up so late, I usually only have about fifteen minutes between waking and running, leaving me with no time to eat. Eating before running makes me sick anyways. I guess I'll take a carb gel thing before running, but starting my day on one of those seems gross.

In other realms of life, I feel impatient and alternate between optimism and impending doom. It's exhausting. Maybe that's why I'm so tired.

I got to see Maria (the woman I babysat for) last night. I like having adult friends. She and her husband will have been married for fifteen years in the fall! She doesn't seem old enough to have been married for so long. I miss the kids and it sounds like everything is going well in Michigan. They eldest is going in the eighth grade next year and when I met him he was in 3rd. Crazy. Hopefully I'll be able to drop off a birthday present to the middle child when I am in Mich next week.

All I want to do this week is ride my bike in the gorgeous weather and eat the Zingerman's sour cream coffee cake that Maria so generously purchased and brought to me.

Weekend with Favorites

2009-05-18T17:38:00.000-04:00

Brandie and Andy came to DC for a favorites' reunion. This event was much needed considering how we haven't all been in one place together since last July. Friday night we went out to U street, saw lots of cops clustered around Columbia Heights metro for what I think was a shooting, hopped bars, went dancing, and, not including me sadly, went home in a limo for $10. Saturday included Grey's Anatomy catch up with the outrageous season finale that I didn't see coming even though someone had spoiled it for me. Then we went to Georgetown where we ate at Tacklebox, I got a solid open-handed grope, and Patricia was shat on by a pigeon. From there we returned to Adam's for an abundance of sangria, cheese, Role Models, and Apples-to-Apples. Patricia made us breakfast Sunday and Brandie and Andy left all too soon.

I did do about 20 miles on my road bike with Mattison. It was great. He told me I wasn't the slowest person ever, which made me happy. I also know what I'm getting for his birthday in August, because I am brilliant.

Today at work I spilled coffee on myself. After trying to remove the stains in the bathroom, I had thoroughly soaked my shirt. I grabbed my jacket, returned to the bathroom, and spent the rest of the day with my jacket zipped up. I felt like a flasher. It was not pleasant. I realized my shirt is already (not very noticeably) stained from detergent at the bottom anyways.

I am looking forward to next week, a 2 1/2 day week, and I get to go back to Michigan.

Calvin, I understand

2009-05-13T07:15:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I took my bike out for a short maiden voyage. I made it down into Rock Creek Park and out to Columbia Heights no problem, although I noticed that I was in my hardest gear and was having trouble shifting. I was also having some trouble clipping out of my pedals.

Then, as I left, I fell in the street. I am not embarrassed easily, but I was hoping that I might avoid some of the beginner's mishaps. This fall might not have been bad had I not knocked my seat out of alignment by about ten or fifteen degrees, making it uncomfortable to sit on my saddle. About 500 yards later, I had to stop as a car pulled out in front of me, couldn't unclip my right foot in time, and fell down again. I made it back to Rock Creek without a problem, but then, since I couldn't shift and couldn't build momentum very well with my saddle prodding into my leg, I had to walk up Tilden to Connecticut.

My bike is fine, my hands are bruised but okay, and my pride is only slightly damaged. I know it is silly to think that I am much different from anyone else who is starting to ride. Additionally, I demonstrate my lack of balance just about everyday, so this shouldn't surprise me. I simply dislike being bad at things. I'm sure no one likes being bad at things, but, as pretentious as this sounds, I'm not used to it and don't handle it very well. School was easy, I've always been praised at work, and I quit the sports that I didn't excel in.

There's a learning curve and as long as I don't break myself or my pretty bike, I think I'll like learning something new. Running has not been kind to my knees and feet, and hopefully biking will help me stay active without continuing to damage myself. I'm going on a ride with Mattison this weekend, so hopefully having him will make me more confident (although, I anticipate it might make me nervous and therefore worse).

And...Andy, Brandie, and John are coming in for the weekend! I can only hope class, dignity, and good decisions lose out to trash, debauchery, and poor life choices.

Spock!

2009-05-11T07:10:00.000-04:00

It was a good weekend. We went to Baltimore after the cat adoption event and I enjoyed a long nap in the car. After enjoying some sangria and the Brady's lovely gardens, we saw the new Star Trek movie, which was quite enjoyable. I don't know anything about the franchise, but it was a solid action movie. We then made dinner for Mattison's parents and enjoyed a nice evening on their back porch.

Sunday we returned to DC and I helped Adam move stuff into his new abode, the Fig Newton of Columbia Heights. It's nice! I really am looking forward to moving in the fall. Hopefully we can get a similar set up, two upstairs bedrooms and a basement bedroom with room for five bikes and various cat stuff. I miss having the space of a house. Hopefully all works out and we can find a great place to move into this fall.

Then, I went and got my bike! It's very pretty and I can't wait to take it on a longer ride. It took me awhile to get the hang of the pedals, but having power on the upstroke is great. My ass is somehow sore, even though I was probably on the bike for all of five minutes. It will need to toughen up. I hope I get to take it on a longer ride sometime this week. I also hope I don't fall from failing to unclip.

This will be an exciting week with a Post Secret exhibit trip and then Andy, Brandie, and John are coming to town for the weekend! I hope we can enjoy a couple nights out and a long, drunken picnic. Maybe apples-to-apples, Cranium, and the finger game. Only good things can happen.

Frederick half marathon

2009-05-03T14:47:00.005-04:00

Mattison and I woke up around 4:00 this morning to get out to Frederick, MD for my half marathon. We showed up and I got a late start off the line, which is fine with me since I made it across the line in time to have my chip activate. It was a fairly boring course, mostly through residential areas and office/commercial parks. I gave an extra gel to a woman around mile seven, who helped me push my pace a bit (although she shared a little too much information about her ex-husband and therapist etc). The course wasn't too challenging, although there was a decent hill right before the finish. I know running through the zoo at the end of my training runs prepped me for this.

My time was 2.06.41 (9.37 average), which I am happy with. It is my lowest half marathon time, the others were 2006 Detroit 2.08.12 (9.48 average) and 2008 Ann Arbor Dexter 2.08.47 (9.49 average). My average time was higher than the Cherry Blossom ten miler at 9.31, but an extra 3.1 miles can slow you down. I'd really like to break two hours at some point. This would require getting faster, something I would like to do, but repeatedly ignore putting effort into.

Afterward, Mattison and I went to Ihop to refuel. I am very glad Mattison was there to drive me home. My brain hurts and I am tired after running. It was raining and it would have been a struggle to make it home. The french toast, eggs, bacon, hash browns, and hot chocolate that I had definitely were more of a punishment than a reward.

Also, bike update. Earlier this week I went down to Revolution Cycles and bought the goods for the bike: shoes, helmet, shorts, jersey, and socks. They didn't have shoes small enough for me in stock, so we're going to wait to try out the bike until I get those. The bike Mattison and I are looking at is the Trek 2.3 WSD, aluminum frame and components that Mattison can live with. It's the highest frame before making the jump to carbon, which is a pricey jump indeed. I think we these choices I'll stay in budget. It was funny looking at bikes for me after getting used to Mattison's bikes. My frame at 47" is one of the smallest adult bikes in the shop and his are considerably bigger, maybe 60" but I have no idea.

I like it, even if the coloring reminds me of toothpaste. I thought it would be funny if Mattison and I had matching his-and-hers bikes, but I am unwilling to put up the cash to match his carbon Madone. It would also make Mattison kind of uncomfortable. I'm looking forward to starting off on this adventure.

Now, off to Giant and possibly Taco Bell. Despite the poor choices about food I have made today, I am quite convinced that I am not functioning at a brain capacity to learn lessons.

The disenchanted liberal arts major

2009-04-28T18:09:00.001-04:00

The NY Times had an interesting op-ed today about the state of graduate (and undergraduate) higher ed systems.

The piece picked up on the archaic nature of academia: silo-ed departments, settings grads up with very narrow fields of knowledge, the problems of tenure, the need for grad students to provide cheap labor, etc. Overall, I have my misgivings about my own degree. In college, I read books and looked at pictures. My feelings towards art history soured considerably over the course of time. I was positively reinforced for writing dense, opaque, and extremely pretentious papers.

The guy who I used to babysit for raised a strong point for liberal arts education, that the humanities help us "learn how to learn" and that the learning skills acquired through research and study of any subject will inevitably help us. I love literature still and think my time in the majority of my classes was well spent; however, I also paid four years of tuition and now have no special skills or training. Grad school often sinks students further into debt with the same result, no practical applications for the use of quattrofoil in Venetian architecture or the overtures of trash in contemporary art of Amazonian nations or the presence of the gospels in Craig Thompson's Blankets.

As I contemplate pursuing a master's degree, part of me thinks it is a form of conspicuous consumption. How many degrees and stamps of approval from academia to I need to feel like I have accomplished something? How much money am I willing to throw at institutions for the privilege to read books and write papers? Hopefully, the academia of liberal arts can prove flexible enough to remain relevant.

On a side note, I thought this post from Indexed hit home: